Real Men Don't Wear Shorts

Still no.

Still no.

Rich Cromwell cheerfully explains the timeless reasons men never, ever wear shorts to work — although I’m a little upset he gave away one of our Ultimate Man Secrets: “The Better You Dress, The Worse You Can Behave.”


But, despite those truths, here’s the thing: The office is neither the wild courts of Abdul-Jabbar’s day nor the awfulness of the modern airplane. Instead, it is a place in which dominance reigns supreme, assuming HR isn’t paying too much attention; a place where fortune favors the bold. It’s tempting to think that the bold man is the one who shows up in shorts and loafers. He is not. The bold man is the one who knows that there are myriad options at his disposal, from linen to seersucker to lighter-weight cottons. The bold man is the one who isn’t afraid to let them see him sweat. The bold man is the one who embraces being the center of attention not because of his slavish dedication to “comfort,” but because of his slavish dedication to decorum with a splash of swagger.

For this man is the one who can cause others to cower merely by his presence, for his ability to dress appropriately and ignore mild inconveniences such as the heat he endures between the car and the office door. He is the man who will be noticed not for the hand grenade he’s holding, ready to knee-cap his rivals in a rain of shrapnel, but for the tailoring of his pants, the details on his wingtips, and the pattern of his gingham shirt.


But do read the whole thing.