Aw Hell

Phil Bowermaster wants F/X to draft me as a presidential candidate for their planned American Candidate show.

I hope that everyone reading this message will join me in a “draft Stephen” movement. If nominated, I think he will run. If elected, he will definitely serve.


I'll Take Two
If nominated, I will have a drink. If elected, I will drink heavily.

Phil, I’m flattered, really. But let’s face it — I’m cranky, prickly, not easy to like, hate TV cameras, and think most people’s babies (not yours, of course. Or yours) are too ugly to kiss.

Anyway, it’s not like the show is on a real network, like NBC or Comedy Central. Could you maybe nominate me to spend some time drinking with Jon Stewart, or making out with Debra Messing?

UPDATE: To those who asked, I’ll turn 35 in April, 2004. And now I really need a drink.


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