The PJ Tatler

Department of Homeland Security Runs a Royals Panty Raid

Did you know that the war on terrorism is over, there are no threats to us whatsoever, and peace has broken out across the entire world?

I didn’t either, but if that hasn’t happened, I’m at a loss to explain this.

Emily Zanotti reports that the Department of Homeland Security recently conducted a heavily armed raid on panties to enforce copyright law.

Homeland Security agents visited the Crossroads store and confiscated the few dozen pairs of underwear, printed in Kansas City by Lindquist Press.

“They came in and there were two guys” Honig said. “I asked one of them what size he needed and he showed me a badge and took me outside. They told me they were from Homeland Security and we were violating copyright laws.”

“…what size he needed.” Cheeky.

She thought that since the underwear featured her hand-drawn design that she was safe. But the officers explained that by connecting the “K” and the “C,” she infringed on major league baseball copyright. (The officials involved could not be immediately reached for comment.)

They placed the underwear in an official Homeland Security bag and had Honig sign a statement saying she wouldn’t use the logo.

Sometimes it seems like our government cares more about MLB and the NFL than pretty much anything else. They’ll hide the budget and ignore the Constitution, but they’re all over the Redskins team name and somebody somewhere morphed the Department of Homeland Security, which is supposed to be to the security of the homeland what the Centers to Disease Control is supposed to be to disease (but clearly isn’t), into the federal copyright enforcement agency.

When did that happen? Will we start seeing the DHS logo replace the FBI logo at the front of DVDs?