Binding Arbitration of Debt Crisis by Unicorns Proposed

BREAKING NEWS — further details when available.

The bipartisan, post-racial Global Federation of Unicorns (GFUs) agreed today to arbitrate the debt limit crisis for us. It asks only that the results be final and binding on all parties. That seems reasonable because it will require a tremendous amount of work and unicorns normally do very little. It is beyond merely reasonable, however, because of the firm post-racial prance stance consistently taken by the GFUs. With the GFUs in charge, obstacles such as these will no longer prevent resolution:

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) on Friday strongly suggested that members of Congress are making it difficult for President Obama to raise the debt ceiling because of his race.

“I do not understand what I think is the maligning and maliciousness [toward] this president,” said Jackson Lee, a member of the Congressional Black Caucus. “Why is he different? And in my community, that is the question that we raise. In the minority community that is [the] question that is being raised. Why is this president being treated so disrespectfully? Why has the debt limit been raised 60 times? Why did the leader of the Senate continually talk about his job is to bring the president down to make sure he is unelected?” Earlier in her speech, Jackson Lee said Obama has been targeted unlike any other president.

Indeed, President Obama has been outrageously maligned, disrespected and hampered in realizing his dreams; his dreams are identical to those of all other ordinary Americans who fly on Air Force One on our behalf to far away places with strange sounding names to apologize for us. It is no wonder that he seems unhappy. There can be no basis for these disparagements other than that explained by the Honorable Ms. Jackson; she made a hole in one! It would seem that her efforts to bring about an honest discussion of race, demanded by General Holder soon after assuming command of the Department of Justice, would be no less doomed to failure than have been his — except for the unselfish offer of the GFUs.

Paul Krugman, the most brilliant economist ever to be accepted as an honorary member of the GFUs, observed only recently that

There aren’t many positive aspects to the looming possibility of a U.S. debt default. But there has been, I have to admit, an element of comic relief — of the black-humor variety — in the spectacle of so many people who have been in denial suddenly waking up and smelling the crazy. (emphasis added)

. . . .

[T]here has been no pressure on the G.O.P. to show any kind of responsibility, or even rationality — and sure enough, it has gone off the deep end. If you’re surprised, that means that you were part of the problem.

Note Mr. Krugman’s oblique reference to the disgraceful and obvious anti-black humor engaged in by some conservatives to disparage President Obama; we would be much ashamed if only we could feel shame. Obviously, it has been racist as there is no other explanation we can believe in. Neither can the reference to the “voodoo economics” that has consumed the increasingly demented conservatives as we seek to deny President Obama his clear entitlement to his second term in office be explained otherwise.

The generous offer of the GFUs — perhaps not directly a result of Congressperson Jackson’s remarks nor of Mr. Krugman’s — presents an historic Win the Future opportunity for all. Something has to be done, this is something, and therefore this must be done; if not now, when? No other option remains unless the GFUs offer is accepted by the negotiators and their principals without further delay. We have nothing to lose but our brains chains and our racism; there is everything to gain. Do it now; it’s for the Gipper!