Gavin Newsom and ‘Lame White Boy Syndrome’

AP Photo/Ringo H.W. Chiu

About 20-ish years ago, NFL quarterback Mike Vick became my second big-name PR client. (This was BEFORE the dogfighting scandal, thank you very much.) And I’d love to tell you that I got the gig because I’m so smart, clever, and hard-working… but it wouldn’t be true.

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I got hired because: A) I’m a white person; B) I’m male; and C) I’m not a total pain in the [arse].

A black female named Dee, whom I worked with on a different PR assignment — who was also older, more experienced, better educated, and far more qualified than me — told me point-blank that she tried to sign Vick on her own, but failed: His peeps insisted on being represented by a white male.

Their thinking was, since most brand managers were white guys, they needed a white dude who “spoke the same language.” Obviously, that excluded Dee.

Long story short: My PR agency signed Dee to a contract, paired us together, and paid for us to fly up to Virginia and meet with Vick’s attorney. Before long, we had Vick under contract.

And then my boss — an older white male who owned the PR firm — nearly ruined everything in a meeting with MV7 (Vick’s startup), when he told ‘em, “You guys concentrate on the black, we’ll concentrate on the white.”

Ugh. Right after he said it, you could feel the air leaving the room.

My ex-boss isn’t a racist. I know him and his heart: I promise you, that’s not who he is. 

He was simply trying to sound cool and relatable.

After all, he knew why Vick signed with us. In his mind, he was reassuring the client that we were all on the same page.

But they sure didn’t take it that way: They were pissed!

I smoothed things out by apologizing profusely and explaining that my boss suffered from “Lame White Boy Syndrome” — an unfortunate disease that bedevils countless middle-aged Caucasians. (Symptoms include awkward phrasing, foot-in-mouth disease, pandering to minorities, and getting disinvited from social engagements.)

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“He’s an old white guy trying to be cool,” I explained. “You know how cringey they can be.”

Indeed they did. Turns out Lame White Boy Syndrome is an epidemic. Virtually every black person in America has witnessed it.

For more information, here’s a short documentary film from Offspring, “Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)”:

Still not convinced? Here’s a second documentary: Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy”:
The latest victim of Lame White Boy Syndrome is Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif.). In his own words:

My PJ Media colleague, Stephen Green, recapped Newsom’s malady:

"I'm not trying to impress you, I'm just trying to impress upon you I'm like you," Newsom pandered. "I'm no better than you, you know. I'm a 960 SAT guy. Heh. And, you know, I'm not trying to offend anyone, you know, I'm not trying to act 'all there' if you got 940. Heh. But literally a 960 SAT guy. You've never seen me read a speech, because I cannot read a speech. [laughing] Maybe the wrong business to be in."

[…]

Newsom made his "I'm like you... I'm a 960 SAT guy" comments during a book tour stop in Atlanta on Sunday while promoting his memoir, Young Man in a Hurry. In too much of a hurry to stop and consider comparing his mediocre SAT score — which was due to dyslexia — to a largely black audience.

Singer Nicki Minaj fired back in a hurry:

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His way of bonding with black ppl is to tell them how stupid he is & that he can’t read. 

This means my first read on him was correct. He’s been handed so many things & put in high positions he never earned or deserved. 

Do you wanna know the craziest part of this footage that will haunt him forever? He’s literally slowing his speech down & talking in a sporadic cadence. 

He’s not just TELLING them that they’re all probably stupid & probably can’t read, he’s LITERALLY SLOW-ING-DOWN-HIS-SPEECH to make them understand the words that are coming out of his mouth!!!! As if they’re children!!!! That means he REALLY BELIEVES they’re slow. He’s not just saying it—he didn’t misspeak!!!! He BELIEVES it!!!! 

Do ya love it?!?!! Do ya just love it, black ppl?!????

If black people DON’T love it, Newsom is in a world of hurt: Blacks are roughly 20% of the Democratic Party. In the critical primary state of South Carolina, nearly 60% of the voters are black.

Should Kamala Harris, Wes Moore, Cory Booker, or any other black Democrat enter the 2028 presidential race, this is the perfect issue to seize upon: It creates an “us versus them” narrative, helps mobilize minority voters, and positions them as the archenemy of the dreaded White Patriarchy — which is especially useful in a party where 69% of the voters believe America is systemically racist

Besides, if Gavin Newsom is still perceived to be the frontrunner, he’ll have a target on his back. Every other candidate will have a vested interest in tearing him down — and rendering him unelectable.

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He just gave his opponents a hell of an opening.

Gavin Newsom is slick, but he’s no Slick Willy. There’s a reason why Toni Morrison dubbed the Man from Hope our “first black president.” Whereas Bill Clinton had an aw-shucks, good-natured, instantly relatable Southern charm, Gavin Newsom is as white as mayonnaise. Newsom isn’t “street” — unless that street is Wall Street.

He’s the Patriarchy personified.

Overcoming the California population collapse, wildfires, crime, and the loss of 900,000 jobs will be challenging enough. It’s a very real vulnerability, but not unsurmountable.

Being labeled as a racist is. 

And in South Carolina, this “young man in a hurry” will be dead man walking. It’s literally the one voting bloc that no Democrat can afford to lose.

Just ask Bernie Sanders. In CNN’s postmortem on his 2020 loss to Joe Biden, the #1 reason why Sanders lost was:

Lack of Black Support

Sanders ran into a wall in 2016 among black voters. Hillary Clinton catapulted herself to victory by winning blowouts throughout the South, where black voters make up a huge chunk of primary voters. Sanders needed to improve upon his performance.

Instead, Sanders did as bad in 2020 among this pivotal group. Among African Americans who voted for Biden or Sanders, Sanders won just 23% in the median state with an entrance or exit poll. That was the same percentage he garnered in 2016.

Black voters propelled Biden to his big win in South Carolina, which started him on his journey to defeating Sanders.

Of course, Joe Biden wasn’t immune to Lame White Boy Syndrome either. We all remember his comment to radio host Charlamagne Tha God: “If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black!”

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It was classic LWBS, right down to Biden’s attempt to sound hip, cool, and relatable with his use of “ain’t.” (‘Cause that’s how black people talk, you know: Proper English is beyond them.)

But the difference is, we might remember Biden’s comment — but Biden doesn’t remember Biden’s comment. He’s too old.

So, he got a pass. Minorities chalked it up to Ol’ Joe being out of touch.

Gavin Newsom doesn’t have that excuse. His supposed strengths are his youth, congeniality, charm, and snarky social media game. Telling an audience full of blacks and minorities that “I’m no better than you” because his SAT score sucked and/or he’s learning disabled wasn’t just tone-deaf.

It undermined his entire brand identity and campaign casus belli.

Lame White Boy Syndrome: It’s a career-killer. Best solution is to take two albums of Nicki Minaj daily.

(Individual results may vary. Side effects include sounding like a pandering, insincere elitist. Consult your doctor if symptoms persist.)

One Last Thing: 2026 is a critical year for America First: It began with Mayor Mamdani declaring war on “rugged individualism” and will reach a crescendo with the midterm elections. Nothing less than the fate of the America First movement teeters in the balance.

Never before have the political battlelines been so clearly defined. Win or lose, 2026 will transform our country.

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