Here’s an idea for President Donald Trump to consider: Why not trade Puerto Rico for Greenland?
It’s win-win. The Danes could finally vacation somewhere without polar bears, and the Puerto Ricans would get free healthcare and a reliable power grid. (I hear that’s a big deal.)
Of course, the Danes also pay more money for electricity than any other country in the world. Mostly because of Denmark’s staggeringly high tax rate. It’s the fifth-highest on the planet. (Hey, those social safety nets don’t fund themselves. If you want the “warmth of collectivism,” y’gotta pay for it.)
So scratch that. No matter what the PR fallout of Bad Bunny’s performance may be, we can’t take it out on the good, loyal, patriotic Americans in Puerto Rico.
No matter, I have an even better idea. It’s about who should do next year’s halftime show. The choice is so obvious, he (and yes, he’s a he) ought to be selected by unanimous acclaim.
But before I tell you who it is, let me tell you who it isn’t: a singer, rapper, band, or an entertainer.
Enough! We’re retiring that concept for good.
Back when there were only 30 or 40 Super Bowls, sure, it was fun to choose a new singer. Each year, we wondered who it would be. One year it was Michael Jackson, the next it was Prince.
We all had a hoot.
But we’re now up to Super Bowl 60: We ran out of good singers years ago!
The concept worked when music was a shared cultural experience, but those days are deader than MTV. Bad Bunny might be a top-streaming artist, but I’ll betcha most of the Super Bowl audience couldn’t name a single song of his.
And I’m not just picking on him: Today’s rock stars… aren’t rock stars.
Besides, what’s so terribly impressive about singing anyway? (Most of the time, the audio is horrendous.) Why should that be the only form of entertainment we consider for the halftime show?
Why should singers have a monopoly?
Why not a juggler? Or an acrobat? Or a flatulist? Or one of those guys who’s really good with a yo-yo?
Actually, I know someone even better. And unlike Bad Bunny, he’s a real-life rock star:
He speaks his mind — even when he shouldn’t. He stands for free speech. He’s creative, bold, and unapologetically innovative. Unpredictable and exciting. Millions of kids adore him. And when those corporate “squares” threatened him with their precious marketing dollars, he told them to “f*** yourself.”
(Plus, he has a bunch of kids with a bunch of different women. And what could be more rock & roll than that?)
I’m speaking of Elon Musk.
Give Elon Musk — the man with the really big rocket company — control of next year’s halftime show, and I guarantee you, we’d see something a helluva lot more interesting than singing.
Drones, lasers, robots — you kidding me?! Everyone would be glued to their seat.
And you wouldn’t lose 20 million of your audience to Kid Rock.
Then, the following year, give the show to Zuckerberg. And then maybe Bezos. After all, you know how insanely competitive those guys get: They’ve ALWAYS got to outdo the other.
Let’s see if we can trick these billionaires into trying to one-up each other for our own amusement!
Can you imagine all the crazy stuff we’d see at halftime each year? It’d be AMAZING!
…Or, the NFL could go with another singer. Yawn.
C’mon, Goodell. Do the right thing: Give Musk a call.
One Last Thing: 2026 is a critical year for America First: It began with Mayor Mamdani declaring war on “rugged individualism” and will reach a crescendo with the midterm elections. Nothing less than the fate of the America First movement teeters in the balance.
Never before have the political battlelines been so clearly defined. Win or lose, 2026 will transform our country.
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