Breaking news: The Democratic Party has conclusive, irrefutable proof that all Republicans are racist, xenophobic, bigoted monsters… because they’re (gasp!) mispronouncing the first name of Kamala Harris.
It’s a story so critical, the Washington Post simply couldn’t ignore it. Thanks to their intrepid reporting, we know for a fact that at least 18 Republicans at the RNC pronounced the vice president’s name as Kuh-MA-lah, instead of Komma-la. USA Today noted it, too. Shocking, isn’t it?
How dare they!
“Morning Joe” is also on the case, because mispronouncing Kamala’s name is tantamount to a “hate campaign.” And rest assured, Media Matters won’t let those evil Republicans get away with saying Kuh-MA-lah – or allowing a conservative commentator to imply that a woman who was selected vice president because she’s a non-white female… was actually selected because she’s a non-white female. That’s just rude.
Clearly, these GOP linguistic microaggressions are a transparent attempt by the Right to transform “Kamala” into something foreign and scary, manipulate the voters, and steal the election (yet again). I mean, what other explanation for mispronouncing her name could there possibly be?
Actually, there is another explanation. A really good explanation. And it’s all Hulk Hogan’s fault.
Back in the 1980s, an African explorer traveled to Uganda and brought back a giant cannibal. He was an enormous behemoth with bare feet, a loincloth, warpaint, and strapping arms. And his name was Kamala – pronounced Kuh-MA-lah.
Fortunately, his handlers found the perfect job for Kamala the Ugandan Giant: He beat up the good guys in the WWE (then known as the WWF), unleashing a reign of terror in the ring, demolishing everything in his path.
At least, until he ran into Hulk Hogan.
Armed with the unstoppable power of Hulkamania (and/or PEDs), the Hulkster evened the score against Kamala the Ugandan Giant -- beating the big man in a steel cage in Madison Square Garden.
For most Americans, this was the first time they ever heard the name “Kamala.” It’s just not the kind of name we typically encounter in the West. And so, for those of us who grew-up in the '80s, we developed a form of muscle-memory. Today, when we see the name written down, we respond: Kuh-MA-lah!
And to be fair, Kamala the Ugandan Giant was a way more memorable character than Kamala the DEI Selection. (More credible performer, too.)
Full disclosure: Kamala wasn’t actually from Uganda. His real name was James Harris… and the fact that he really, truly, legitimately shared the same surname as the “other” Kamala was purely coincidental. (We think.) He was born in Mississippi and adopted the Ugandan gimmick while wrestling in Memphis. (Alas, James Harris died in 2020, so there can’t be a blow-off match between him and the VP to settle who owns the name.)
But to be fair, the DNC and professional wrestling are vastly different things: One of the two creates the illusion of legitimate competition, but in reality, the winners and losers were predetermined by a small group of decisionmakers. It’s fake! Nothing’s on the level and everything’s scripted.
And the other, of course, has body slams.
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