I hardly ever watch the network nightly news these days, so many other options, so many stupid schlocky “tv magazine” type features, too many denture cleaner ads. Nonethless there I was a couple days ago watching Katie Couric just sort of out of curiosity and she was “anchoring” a vitally important feature about women who suffer recurrent tragic weight loss technique failures. I remember when Katie Couric was actually a serious Defense Department correspondent before she realized she could cash in on cutesiness by anchoring idiot morning show antics. What I saw was the sad terminus of the perkiness trajectory.
The segment featured an charmingly outspoken woman who had finally given up and accepted being overweight describing her misadventures with diet pills. She was talking about the way so many of them made her hyper, agitated (because of the various speed-like ingredients) so she found herself, among other things compulsively cleaning her floors.
After the taped segment was over we return to Katie C. who made the super, super charming comment: “I wish she’d clean my floors!”
Ha,ha, Katie! So witty, so spontaneous, so down to earth. Not as if you didn’t let CBS make a fool of you by photoshopping your pounds away. You’re above all that. Not as if you don’t make enough money to afford several teams of 24/7 floor-cleaning serfs. Not as if you could show a little compassion to someone who hasn’t been able to get by with perky cuteness all her life.
No, you’re just too cool. You don’t need to lose weight. You’re already a loser. This is just the kind of wit that will ensure you a place in the Losers Hall of Fame…. whatever your ratings are.