Roger L. Simon

Fear and Loathing in Martha's Vineyard

Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Ron Kirk

Did Bill really want to be photographed on a Martha’s Vineyard golf course with Barack?

If so, Bubba’s off his game.  Alpha Centauri off.  The optics are, well… desperation city, what with his charming wifey’s top secret email count now up to 60 and headed Jeebus knows where, according to the Washington Times.

Speaking of which, who’s leaking to them?  Some righteous citizen or Dame Valerie?  I’m betting the latter.

BARACK: You really want to do that?  We’re playing straight into the hands of…

VALERIE:  Trump? Deal with him later.  Right now we’ve got to get rid of her or everything you ever did will go up in smoke.  

BARACK (gets it):  Bill’s been begging me for a private game ever since I got to the island.

VALERIE:  Naturally.  Let him bring Vernon Jordan.

BARACK (smiles): Then he won’t be able to say anything when the photographers show up. 

VALERIE: What a humiliation.  Just don’t make any promises you don’t want to keep.

BARACK:  It doesn’t matter what I say.  I control Justice.

VALERIE: That’s my boy, er, president.

Close enough, no?  And you thought the Medici were bad. This lot’s even scummier and they’re not even patrons of the arts, unless you count Beyonce, who’s okay but no Aretha. And they haven’t got a painter on the level of  Jackson Pollock, let alone Botticelli.

Yes, it’s getting worse every day as darkness descends upon our land.  But have no fear.  The pundits are telling us this is the year of the non-politician — Trump, Ben Carson,  Carly Fiorina,  Bernie Sanders.  They’re all up in the latest Fox poll.

Wait — Bernie Sanders?(Well, Chris Wallace and a lot of others compared him to the others.) But isn’t he really a politician himself?  He’s been in Congress since Hector was a pup. And he’s a socialist.  That’s even older than Hector and nowhere near as lovable.  It’s Greeksville as an economic system, except for the nomenklatura, and leads to mass murder á la Stalin and Mao.

But, hey, Bernie’s a nice guy.  And all those nitwits applauding him — well, it’s not their fault they don’t know a Hayek from a Kardashian.  They’ve been educated in American schools. Don’t get carried away by comparisons to the “Nach Hitler Uns” movement in Berlin in the Thirties.  Things aren’t that bad… yet.  At least the public’s smart enough to know that Hillary’s a liar and the Iran deal blows.

Not that that matters in Obama’s America where POTUS stands for Put Other Thoughts Under Sea… or is it Under Seal?  Only Sandy “Pants” Berger knows for sure — but he’s busy backing the Iran deal, like a good little Clintonian anxious to make his way home from foreign policy Siberia. Everything’s going to be fine in this best of all possible world’s, Dr. Pangloss   All that talk the Iran deal’s just cover for giving the ayatollah a skadillion-dollar terror slush fund for nothing is just more propaganda from the New York Post.

According to the deal, within six to 12 months, Treasury will de-list more than three dozen banks, oil companies and other investments belonging to the Execution of Imam Khomeini’s Order, a k a EIKO. Reportedly worth more than $95 billion, EIKO is controlled by the supreme leader.

Supreme leader-shmupreme leader. Again, no matter.  Donald will save us.

But wait… Didn’t Trump tell Hannity the other night that he wouldn’t, unlike other Republican candidates,  tear up the Iran deal?  The Donald honors contracts.  Ah, but third time, no matter.  He reads the small print.  He’ll hold the ayatollah to the deal and make him squirm…. or something. Meanwhile, the ayatollah will be even richer than Donald, own about three-quarters of the Levant and have enough unions to invade Scandinavia, but, fourth time, no matter.

Forget the cabaret stuff.  Life is a golf game, my friends, with or without Barack, Bill or Vernon Jordan. Enjoy it while you can.  Weimar’s back. Be happy.  Don’t get lost in dark thoughts. Divert yourself.  Consider trying out a new sex. Buy some beachfront property in Martha’s Vineyard. All is not lost.  The iPhone 6Plus will be here soon.