Dear Busybody Teacher Who's Worried About My Homeschooled Kids' 'Socialization'

Dear Laurel,

Here we were just minding our own business, reading The Witch of Blackbird Pond while making Kit Tyler paper dolls, planning our next field trip to a Native American tribal site while winding down after jiujitsu class and church group when your ill-informed screed popped onto my radar.

One of the most common complaints detractors have of homeschooling programs is the lack of socialization. It’s easy to see why this could be a problem; after all, how will students learn how to socialize in the world if they’re isolated?

There have probably been millions of words written on this misconception about “socialization,” but I’m going to add about 700 more. Thank you, Laurel, for being so concerned about my children’s’ socialization. I sure value your opinion on something about which you have no clue. This argument is so old and tired. Today’s homeschoolers are not “isolated” by any stretch of the imagination. Might there be some families who fit your stereotype? Of course. But even the Duggars, who get the lion’s share of scorn, could never be described as unsocialized. The vast majority of homeschooling kids are just like everybody else — active and thriving in their communities, not shut off from life in a backwoods cabin somewhere getting slapped with a ruler for not having the Bible memorized.

Socialization requires that children consistently work with people they’re not used to working with. It’s about discussing things with people who have a different opinion and challenging preconceived notions. It’s about having to do a group project with people who don’t necessarily work the same way as you do, to collaborate on ideas and grow as a thinker.

Reading dreck like this gives me more bone-deep certainty that I’ve chosen the right path in keeping my children away from “educators” like you who see it as their job to make my round peg fit into a square hole. I have news for you, Laurel. My kid isn’t going to conform to your standards. I did that on purpose. Your standards are designed to make my child yield to your way of thinking, to your preconceived notions (like boys can be girls). Speaking of, what would happen to my child if she stood up and challenged your moral certitude that little Jimmy can really be Jessica? Oh, that’s right. You’d send her to the principal’s office. So much for valuing different opinions, eh Laurel?

I know your code language. What you mean by “socialization” is not a concern that my children won’t know how to interact with people, because you know damn well that homeschooled children are doing everything schooled children are doing including sports, clubs, summer camps, and collaborative projects in their communities. You don’t really care about any of that. What you are on pins and needles about is that my homeschooled children are not being brainwashed into your socially programmed leftist hell. That’s what you really mean by “socialization.” What you’re so troubled by is that our kids are not going to be learning that guns are evil, boys can have vaginas, that orgasms are more important than moral development, that women are superior to men, that abortion equals women’s health or that Democrats are God’s gift to humanity.

So sorry. I feel your pain. You’ve lost your iron grip on our kids and it’s killing you. Guess who my kids know intimately? Rush Limbaugh! (Every time we go to Florida they ask if we can visit him. It’s cute.) Boy, I’d like to see your face if you saw them in their “Make Christmas Great Again” t-shirts! I’m raising the generation that is going to light your ivory tower on fire. That’s what this is about. Don’t patronize me and try to make me believe you care about their well-being. All you people have ever cared about is producing more drones who vote your way. But you screwed up and got too bold too fast when you started giving lessons on fisting in public schools and a bunch of us figured out we had to remove our kids from your control in order to defeat your insanity. It’s working.

Generation Z is the most pro-life, conservative generation since the Greatest Generation. I’ve seen these kids myself. Several of them just entered Liberty University and they are on fire for God and country. They haven’t been lied to about biology or sexuality. They value Western culture and know Western literature. They studied logic and rhetoric and they know how to think, reason and debate. They don’t need safe spaces from ideas. We made sure of that. Basically, they’re your worst nightmare. You should be worried.