News & Politics

Bill Cosby's Rape Defense: He Doesn't Like Intercourse

Bill Cosby exits the Montgomery County Courthouse after a mistrial was declared in Norristown, Pa., Saturday, June 17, 2017. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

Almost 20 years ago now — holy crap, am I that old? — I witnessed a hit-and-run accident. I followed the car to where it was abandoned and tried to get a description of the driver for the police. This landed me in court one day to testify. During the trial, the accused claimed he was sitting on his front porch with a friend drinking beer. The judge asked him how many beers he had during the course of the day.

“Two,” he answered. That’s what eventually got him convicted. Between several witnesses who saw someone who looked an awful lot like him, his truck being the vehicle that hit the other, and his flimsy alibi, the judge figured there was ample evidence to convict.

Yet that flimsy story is much more believable to me than Bill Cosby’s defense in his rape retrial. “Why didn’t you have sexual intercourse?” a police officer asked him in 2004. “I don’t like it,” Cosby responded.

This is a man who fathered five children. Five. And he tell us that he doesn’t enjoy sexual intercourse?

Look, I’m not saying Cosby’s guilty. I’m not going to say he’s not guilty, either. I simply don’t know. There are a lot of factors at work here and it’s impossible to make a judgment on something like this based purely on what’s been portrayed in the media. After all, according to the news, his conviction should have been a slam dunk, but instead, his first trial resulted in a hung jury.

But what I am saying is that his claim to not enjoy intercourse just doesn’t hold water.

Again, five children. That’s an awful lot of times doing something he says he didn’t enjoy. It’s either that or he’s got some super swimmers that are potent little buggers.

If you’re accused of rape, your defense should at least sound plausible to people who don’t know you. He shouldn’t be surprised if the jury doesn’t buy it.