News & Politics

Top 10 Shi*holes Nobody Wants to Visit

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Unnamed sources are once again claiming president Trump said outrageous things, including calling Haiti and parts of Africa “shi*holes.” No one is sure this actually happened, but it sounds true, so the Washington Post ran with it. But it brings up an interesting point. Are we allowed to point out that there are places in the world that are not ideal, or are we pretending all countries are equal? This seems demonstrably ridiculous, yet the left is acting super-offended at the suggestion that some countries are shi*hole-ish.

This doesn’t explain why the elite don’t vacation in Haiti and Cape Town.

The following is my list of shi*holes I never want to visit, in no particular order.

1. Haiti

A quick search of Haitian vacations found that a person could have a full week in Haiti for $600, airfare included. If that isn’t a screaming red flag, I don’t know what is. The reason it’s so cheap is that you have a high likelihood of never returning. If you don’t get murdered, you will probably get a disease.

Major infectious diseases: degree of risk: very high
Food or waterborne diseases: bacterial and protozoal diarrhea, hepatitis A and E, and typhoid fever
Vectorborne diseases: dengue fever and malaria

Haiti pretty much shows up in the dictionary under “shi*hole.”

2. Anywhere ending in “-stan” (or Iran)

Pakistan, Afghanistan, Turkmenistan, and all the other stans are not for me. If you don’t get stoned to death by the modesty police, you get dragged away in the middle of the night by secret police for some offense against whatever shi*head is running the shi*hole. No thanks. I’ll stay out of the stans.

3. Tecoman, Mexico

The New York Times admitted that this place is a shi*hole.

Some of the crime scenes, like the room where Mr. Cisneros was found dead in his chair, had only one victim. Others had many. But their increasing frequency points to an alarming rise in violence between warring cartels. Criminal groups are even sweeping into parts of Mexico that used to be secure, creating a flood of killings that, by some tallies, is surpassing the carnage experienced during the peak of the drug war in 2011.“What is happening here is happening in the entire state, the entire country,” said José Guadalupe García Negrete, the mayor of Tecomán. “It’s like a cancer.”

If the mayor were more bombastic he might have just said: “It’s like a shi*hole!”

4. Somalia

Unless you’re dying to go on a cruise and experience a real-life pirate adventure, complete with getting your throat slit, stay away from the Somali coast. I also wouldn’t recommend Somalia on land either. I still can’t get that image out of my head of American soldiers being dragged through the streets by Somali rebels. More recently, the violence has not abated as reported by Human Rights Watch: “Targeted attacks on civilians and civilian infrastructure, particularly by the Islamist armed group Al-Shabab, with suicide bombings and improvised explosive devices (IEDs), continue to have a devastating impact.”

Somalia is an outright shi*hole.

5. North Korea

There are so many shi*holes to choose from, but no list would be complete without the black hole that is North Korea. Perhaps the creepiest view into North Korea is the view from satellites which show a complete blackout in a world of light and warmth. They don’t even allow people electricity! Who even knows how bad it is there? We’ve heard stories by escapees of entire families wiped out for saying something slightly critical of Kim Jung Un’s hair or other nonsense. Human Rights Watch reports:

A 2014 UN Commission of Inquiry found that abuses in North Korea were without parallel in the contemporary world. They include extermination, murder, enslavement, torture, imprisonment, rape, forced abortions, and other sexual violence. North Korea operates secretive prison camps where perceived opponents of the government are sent to face torture and abuse, starvation rations, and forced labor. Fear of collective punishment is used to silence dissent. There is no independent media, functioning civil society, or religious freedom.”

Yeah, sounds wonderful. Wait, no it doesn’t. It sounds like a shi*hole run by a very short and fat shi*head!

6. Venezuela

Children are starving, people are eating trash and zoo animals to stay alive, and it’s all because of the grand fantasies of the left put into practice: Socialism! It works every time, if by every time you mean people starve and die. Then yes, it works. So we are supposed to believe that socialism is kind and wonderful. Yet the countries using it are shi*holes full of suffering. I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t want to import that here. We don’t need more people who think socialism is a good idea. Instead, let’s send our socialists to Venezuela, where they’ve perfected socialism. They’ll get used to a life of prostitution and want in no time, as the Guardian details:

Hunger is gnawing at Venezuela, where a government that claims to rule for the poorest has left most of its 31 million people short of food, many desperately so. As night falls over Caracas, and most of the city’s residents lock their doors against its ever more violent streets, Adriana Velásquez gets ready for work, heading out into an uncertain darkness as she has done since hunger forced her into the only job she could find at 14.

She was introduced to her brothel madam by a friend more than two years ago…

If a place where children have to turn tricks to survive isn’t a shi*hole, what is?

7. Detroit

Yes, I know it’s not a country. I’m still not going there. Wild horses or even Wild Turkey couldn’t drag me into Detroit. I drove through it once with the gas pedal to the floor and I shall never do it again. Coincidentally, all the American shi*holes on this list are run by Democrats.

As a matter of fact, Detroit is a shi*hole.

8. New Orleans

If you can avoid the puke, I hear it’s fun during festivals and the food is good, but what kind of shi*hole doesn’t fix a levee they’ve been told hundreds of times was going to fail, leading to the deaths of its citizens and the destruction of countless homes? A Democrat shi*hole, that’s what kind! And, wait for it… the levees still aren’t fixed! The New Orleans Times-Picayune reports this stunning news: 

The rebuilt New Orleans area hurricane levee system remains inadequate to protect the heart of the nation’s 45th largest metropolitan area from another Hurricane Katrina or larger storm, nationally-known engineers and scientists said almost a decade after the 2005 storm.

But don’t worry, because communities in New Orleans are focused on important things like “Transgender Awareness Week.” The levees can wait. It is important to note that there aren’t any Republicans running New Orleans.

9. India

Everyone I’ve ever known who visited India got violently ill and lost twenty pounds before they got home. No one I know who has been there made a return trip. The keywords that stood out from their descriptions were, “hellish, dehydration, pain, suffering, shi* everywhere, rancid, poverty, death.” These are not words that I want to use when I’m on vacation. Every time I hear the line “Thank You India” by Alanis Morisette, I picture my friends doubled over puking in a ditch with dirty animals waiting to lap it up.

10. Anywhere in Africa where you have to walk somewhere to get water

Whether it’s because of warlords or poor infrastructure, water is a basic need. Any place that doesn’t have it readily available is going to be a diseased shi*hole.

Obviously, the people suffering in these shi*holes are not to be disparaged or trod upon. On the contrary, I support exporting our technology and philosophy of freedom and prosperity to every corner of the earth. I also support missions to help relieve the suffering of people born in shi*holes. But let’s not pretend there aren’t shi*holes, or allow Democrats to turn this whole country into a shi*hole no one wants to live in.