News & Politics

Unicorn Armpit Hair Is a Harbinger of How Bad Things Can Get in 2019

Trends come and trends go. My parents were dirt poor, so there are no pictures of me in parachute pants, thankfully. Likewise, since my parents were super-strict fundamentalist Christians, there are no photos of me with a mullet or, worse, a rat tail. Many of my friends, though, have embarrassing photos of themselves sporting now-discarded embarrassing clothing and hair trends. Like past style trends, the new trend of women sporting unicorn armpit hair is producing an avalanche of photo evidence that will undoubtedly be smirked at by future generations. Unlike many past style trends, unicorn armpit hair is rooted in an ideology that should be rejected.

As a long-haired, bearded man, I receive my fair share of negative comments about my looks. Never really offended, I’m more puzzled as to why some believe that it’s okay to tell me that they don’t like my appearance. If I were to say to others about their looks what some say to me about mine, I would be labeled a rude jerk. I mention this to say that, as a general rule, I don’t mock other people’s appearances. It’s rude and doesn’t accomplish anything. However, I will make an exception for feminists who are proudly displaying their multi-colored armpit hair.

Look, ladies, if you want to grow your armpit hair out, that’s your prerogative. On the flip side, though, it’s my prerogative to find your armpit hair unattractive and unappealing. That doesn’t mean that I should ridicule you or point out how unattractive your hairy, sweaty pits are. However, when you start decorating your armpit hair as a way to make an ideological point, all bets are off. In that instance, I’m quite comfortable publicly pointing out how absurd, silly, and dangerously rebellious you look.

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Many, but not all, beauty standards are cultural. In other words, some things that people find beautiful are culturally conditioned and not based on objective standards. I’m willing to admit that women shaving their armpits is not based on an objective standard of beauty. No doubt, we’ve been culturally conditioned by razor companies that have manufactured reasons for women to buy their products. That being said, unicorn armpit hair isn’t simply a fun way for women to express themselves; it’s a way for lovers of identity politics to force the rest of the society into a corner.

As Men’s Health points out, unicorn armpit hair is part of the larger “body positive campaigns [that encourages] women to ditch convention and go au naturel with their body hair.”

Body positive campaigns aren’t about ensuring that those who don’t match society’s beauty standards aren’t mocked and ostracized for things they have no control over. Body positive campaigns exist to shame people for having personal standards of beauty. For example, the fact that I find armpit hair unattractive is deemed oppressive by the identity politics crowd. Daring to state my own opinion is tantamount to patriarchy, according to the women who are dying their pit hair multi-colors. And this is a harbinger for what’s to come in 2019.

We can expect more demands that the rest of us acknowledge any and all fashion trends as equally beautiful as societal norms. Expecting society to be polite and keep their opinions about the fashion choices of others to themselves is one thing. Holding society hostage by expecting everyone to find the whims of feminists attractive is an act of ideological war that deserves to be resisted.