News & Politics

Swedish Child-Priestess Greta Thunberg Goes to Davos and Scolds Us All Some More

(Twitter screenshot)

It’s a new decade,* so it’s time for a new round of panic about the weather killing us all. Swedish child-priestess and chronic truant Greta Thunberg is at the 2020 World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, this week, because that’s where the spotlight is. And she’s scolding all the grown-ups for not doing what she wants when she wants it, because Veruca Salt wasn’t fictional.

I was scared of the Boogeyman when I was little too. I just didn’t have crowds of adults applauding my cries of fear:

I would like to say something that I think people need to know more than how I deal with haters… [laughter, applause] In chapter two on page 108 in the SR1.5 IPCC report that came out in 2018, it says if we are to have a 67% chance of limiting the global average temperature rise to below 1.5 degrees Celsius, we had on January 1st, 2018 about 420 gigatonnes of CO2 left to emit in that budget… With today’s emissions level, that remaining budget is gone in less than 8 years. These numbers aren’t anyone’s opinions or political views. This is the current best available science. Though many scientists suggest these figures are too moderate, these are the ones that have been accepted by the IPCC… I know you don’t want to report about this, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but I assure you, I will continue to repeat these numbers until you do. [applause]

Oh, we know you will, kid. And adults with an agenda will keep using you as a human shield, right up until the moment you’re no longer useful to them.

And yes, you heard that right: Time‘s Person of the Year says Time doesn’t want to report on what she’s saying. And the audience applauds her for berating them. Then they’ll all go back home on their carbon-spewing jets, and Thunberg will eventually have to go back to school, and everybody will find something else to freak out about.

I almost feel bad for that Time schlub she humiliated. But what did he expect? He helped elevate this little girl to Savior of the Planet. Did he really think she wasn’t going to scold him for asking a dumb question?

This kid is in for a shock when she grows up. Because she’s going to grow up. The adults who stole her childhood will have died off, but the planet will still be here. How will she reconcile the resulting cognitive dissonance? Will she acknowledge the truth, or will she find more excuses to believe the lie? That’ll be up to her, once she’s no longer being exploited for political purposes.

*Unless you’re a nerd who insists the new decade doesn’t start until 2021. Were you still a teenager at 20? Then this century isn’t a teenager either. Get over it. Time to grow up.