News & Politics

Happy Anniversary to Elizabeth Warren's DNA Test!

Happy Anniversary to Elizabeth Warren's DNA Test!
(AP Photo/Michael Dwyer)

The 24/7 “news” cycle does weird things to your sense of time. Very important stories that broke just a week ago can feel like they happened years ago. (Remember when Trump tweeted about Nickelback? Feel old yet?) But some things still feel fresh and timeless, no matter how old they are. Some historical events can still make me as happy as they did when I first experienced them.

Like this one, from one year ago today:

It was Elizabeth Warren’s moment of triumph! And it lasted for all of 3-4 hours. Then people actually read what was in the DNA test, and it wasn’t at all what she claimed. If that test proved anything, it proved that Warren is white as hell. She’s even whiter than me, and I can get a sunburn from watching Baywatch. She’s as authentically Native American as a Redskins jersey, without the gravitas.

Nevertheless, she persisted, and that enormous lie hasn’t hurt Warren. One year later, she’s gaining on Biden in the polls. She’s still lying about stuff, of course, like whether she was ever fired for being pregnant. But it doesn’t matter. The truth rarely does. If the journos decide she should be the Democratic Party’s candidate for president in 2020, then they’ll rationalize anything she says. They’ll change the story from “Democrat Brazenly Lies” to “Republicans Pounce on Democrat’s Inadvertent Factual Error.” They’ll try to drag her across the finish line, just like they tried with Hillary. Who knows? Maybe it’ll work this time.

What else are they gonna do, start telling the truth? Heap big LOL!

(Hat tip: Siraj Hashmi)

Update: The Warren campaign deleted that tweet! They made that treacly announcement video because they thought it was a slam-dunk, and now they’ve wiped all trace of it from the Internet because it’s so embarrassing. I get results.