News & Politics

Prince Harry Wants You to Stop Flying So Much

Britain's Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, during a photocall with their newborn son, in St George's Hall at Windsor Castle, Windsor, south England, Wednesday May 8, 2019. Baby Sussex was born Monday at 5:26 a.m. (0426 GMT; 12:26 a.m. EDT) at an as-yet-undisclosed location. An overjoyed Harry said he and Meghan are "thinking" about names. (Dominic Lipinski/Pool via AP)

I have no idea what it’s like to be a member of a royal family, and I assume you don’t either, Dear Reader. Maybe we’ve watched that Netflix show about it, but we don’t know what that life is really like. We don’t live in exquisite luxury every minute of every day, with no real responsibilities to worry about. We don’t grapple with the shame of being world-famous for doing absolutely nothing, and knowing we didn’t earn all the things that are handed to us just for being born. We don’t know the pressure of trying to make people love us by saying the things they expect us to say.* You and I are just lowly peasants, and we should listen to our betters. Even if we know our betters have no idea what they’re talking about. Especially then.

That’s why Prince Harry is taking up his father’s torch and lecturing all us miserable peasants about global warming. Rhiannon Mills, Sky News:

Prince Harry has launched a global initiative to encourage more environmentally friendly travel after a summer of headlines criticising him for using private jets.

The Duke of Sussex has travelled to Amsterdam on a commercial flight to launch the Travalyst partnership…

It has been created to promote sustainable travel solutions by supporting local communities, protecting wildlife, tackling climate change and alleviating over-tourism.

That’s right. A guy who flies all over the world like he gets paid for it, which he does, is telling you not to spend your own money to fly out to see Aunt Gertie in Tucson. A man with a Godzilla-sized carbon footprint is scolding you for living your life in 2019.

“We can all do better.” In other words: Yeah, he knows he’s a hypocrite. A literal prince is ashamed of his lifestyle, and now he’s putting that guilt on you. Take it, serfs.

Of course, Prince Harry had to fly there to give that speech. If he really meant what he was saying, he’d never leave his “cottage.” Hasn’t he heard of teleconferencing? Hell, he could’ve tweeted out that speech and reached as many people, maybe more. Then he wouldn’t need to do “carbon offsets,” which is just another name for indulgences.

I’m glad America has finally infiltrated the Royal Family, but I’m with Detective Frank Drebin on the whole idea of having a queen:

P.S. In other royal news…

*Well… maybe we know a little bit about that one. Isn’t that right, Dear Reader?