News & Politics

Hillary Clinton Is Exhausted, Everybody

If you’re a conservative, a Trump fan*, or pretty much anybody else in 2018 who doesn’t like the Democrats or their agenda, you probably get scolded whenever you mock Hillary Clinton. Her voters are still very protective of her: “Why can’t you leave her alone? Why are you so obsessed with her?” Well, she probably wouldn’t catch so much flak for refusing to go away if she would just, um, go away. But she continues to show up anywhere there’s a microphone, an audience full of people who cried on election night, and a check with a bunch of zeroes on it. So she’s fair game. If you don’t like that, it’s not my problem.

When Democrats lose presidential elections, they have to fill that void in their souls somehow. For example, they give the loser some shiny prizes to compensate for blowing it. When Al Gore was cheated out of the White House lost fair and square, his voters made it up to him by giving him an Oscar, a Nobel Prize, and even a Grammy. (A Grammy. For Al Gore.) Now the Dems are at it again. Hillary didn’t get the one prize she wanted, so they keep throwing lesser prizes at her.

On Friday the American Federation of Teachers gave her their “Women’s Rights Award” because “Consolation Prize” would be too on-the-nose. It makes sense that the AFT, an organization that defends and protects incompetent professionals from the consequences of their behavior, is praising Hillary.

And here’s what America’s First Female Almost-POTUS had to say:

If you don’t want to watch her whine and complain for half an hour, which you don’t, you can get a recap here. But this was the funniest part, right at the beginning:

“I tell ya, I’ve been back there listening to Randi [Weingarten], and I’m so exhausted I can barely stand here.”

I guess she’s roasting herself? We all know how tough it is for Hillary to stand anywhere, let alone walk unaided:

Maybe that’s why the Democrats couldn’t drag her over the finish line.

It’s probably mean to make fun of an old lady who can’t get around too well anymore, but most old ladies haven’t lied to me as much as Hillary Clinton has. My conscience is clear.

Notice she finally put away that scarf she’s been wearing in the middle of summer. Some have speculated that she was hiding a back brace, but I think she just has terrible taste in clothes. Either that or she was cosplaying as Gru from Despicable Me.

Whatever the case, Hillary continues to #Resist:

Not to put too fine a point on it, Grandma, but he’s on the team that beat you.

(Her implication here is that Trump is working for Putin, because that’s what so many of her supporters believe. That’s the only possible reason she lost, according to them. As if Trump’s ego would allow him to do Putin’s bidding, or anybody else’s. Say what you want about Trump, but he’s incapable of keeping a secret or doing what anybody tells him. I’ll believe there was collusion when somebody proves there was collusion, and not a moment before.)

I’m glad Hillary Clinton lost, and I’m glad I didn’t vote for her. Nothing she has said or done since November 8, 2016, has made me regret that decision. No matter how bad you think things are right now, they could still be worse.

Here’s looking forward to 2020, when refusing to vote Democrat will make you both sexist and racist. Good luck, Kamala Harris!

*You can be both a conservative and a Trump fan, I suppose, but they’re not synonymous. “Conservatism” does not mean “Defending everything a Republican POTUS says and does, no matter how weird or crazy or self-contradictory.” Once again: If you don’t like that, it’s not my problem.