Faster, Please!

Those Witty Fellows at al-AP

As the Associated Press fights for the cherished position of this generation’s version of The Goon Show (which, for you younguns, was a screamingly funny BBC radio show starring no end of brilliant British comics), we should pay attention to some of their better routines. Some day they will likely be quoted alongside Monty Python and Protein Wisdom.


They have a writer in Beirut named Scheherezade Faramarzi, and she has mastered the comic art of saying the most outrageous things with a totally straight face. On December 9th she wrote a brilliant satire of WashingPostSpeak. The opening line was a classic:

Iran could play a crucial role in curbing Iraq’s Shiite militias if the U.S. opens a dialogue with Tehran as recommended by the Iraq Study Group, many in the Mideast say.

HoHO! “Many” do say that. And not just in the Mideast. They say it in Europe, in the United States, in Canada even. I’ll even do the intriguing Scheherezade one better: I’ll say, on the record, that Iran could help curb terrorism in Iraq…even WITHOUT “dialogue.”

The gag continues:

But Iran’s cooperation would depend on how much it trusts Washington in any deal that was struck. And all observers agree that Iran alone, even with help from its ally Syria, cannot bring peace and that a collective effort of Mideast nations is needed.

The earnest, totally honest and transparent Iranians obviously have legitimate doubts about the tricky, secretive and untrustworthy Americans. And no doubt they are greatly annoyed that the satanic Bushiterlites haven’t been willing to accept the mullahs’ forthright cooperation on the nuclear question. They also seem quite annoyed at the recent remarks from Bushitler himself:


“Countries that participate in talks must not fund terrorism, must help the young democracy survive, must help with the economics of the country,” Bush said Thursday. “If people are not committed, if Syria and Iran is (sic) not committed to that concept, then they shouldn’t bother to show up.”

Leave it to the ugly Americans to screw up peace-in-Iraq. But kudos to al-AP and to dear Scheherezade–wouldn’t you love a photo? Don’t you wonder if she tells these great stories for a thousand and one nights? I sure do…–for a great belly laugh on a chilly Sabbath.

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