'I Just Want to Feel Like Myself,' Tearfully Admits America's Most Famous 'Trans Kid' Jazz Jennings

(Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, File)

There are a lot of deeply disturbing and unlikeable members of the trans cult. Jazz Jennings is not one of them. He was transitioned by his mother at the tender age of five. By the age of eleven, Jazz was on puberty blockers. At 17, even though a minor, Jazz underwent multiple genital surgeries to remove his penis and have it inverted. This process was botched and several attempts were made to remedy it, but the reduced size of Jazz’s penis due to years on puberty blockers made an already brutal surgery even worse.


Jazz has since suffered from mental illness, rapid weight gain, pain, constant reflux, a lack of sex drive, an inability to orgasm, and anxiety. And not unlike the Truman Show, it all happened in front of the cameras for a global audience. Were Jazz to want to escape from this reality, there is nowhere he could go where he could begin again in private, away from prying eyes.

Jazz has now broken down (on camera, of course) and spilled his heart to his mother that, despite it all, he doesn’t feel like himself. It is a moment many of us saw coming but hoped for the sake of this severely traumatized and abused child wouldn’t. God help everyone involved in this unspeakable crime that was done to this innocent person who is suffering in front of us all.

“I really want to understand myself and be able to read my own soul… I just want to feel like myself. All I want is to be happy and feel like me and I don’t feel like me ever!” Jazz cried.

Related: Sharing Stories of Trauma on ‘Detransition Awareness Day’

During the show, there are moments where Jazz seems to disassociate from his body and needs help staying in the moment. And often, when Jazz struggles, his mother Jeanette is there to criticize how he is feeling, trying to sweep it under the rug. Telling Jazz “I know how you feel” is so disingenuous. Did Jeanette get her genitals inverted and botched? Is she flooded with the wrong hormones all the time? Did she have to try and navigate dating by telling all perspective mates she was born a different sex than she appears? If not, then she DOES NOT know how Jazz feels in any way.


Jazz didn’t make any of these decisions. Nothing that was done to him — from living his entire life on a reality show for the entertainment of the mob to being rushed into irreversible surgery — was done in private. Every fight with siblings, every argument with parents, and every embarrassing moment have been broadcast for the world to gape at. He can’t even go out with friends at age 21 without his mother tracking him down to check on him. Jazz missed his first semester at college because he was so mentally unwell.

If I could talk to Jazz, I would first hug him and tell him how sorry I am that the adults in his family, his medical team, and this country didn’t stand up for the child we all watched go through this heinous reality. What kind of monsters are we? Were the executives at TLC so blinded by money that none of them asked themselves, “what happens if this backfires and we destroy this kid?”

Jazz has been used in an unforgivable way as the face of a movement that he didn’t even understand and still might not fully grasp. He’s a show pony, a cause, a public experiment done for the entertainment of some and the political goals of others. His children’s book has been used as a seductive tool to suck other five-year-olds into the same nightmare. It isn’t Jazz’s fault. And if I could talk to him, that’s the first thing I’d tell him.

None of this is your fault. It’s okay to feel bereft and sad and angry. You don’t feel like yourself because the adults around you convinced you to try to be someone you were never made to be. It was all a lie. 

Related: Yes, Gender Clinics Are Performing Sex-Change Operations on Minor Children. We Have the Receipts.


Instead of coming clean, Jazz’s mother, an oft-vilified character, gaslights Jazz by saying, “You’re your own worst enemy.” That’s not how we see it, Jeanette. While some people are pointing the finger at Jeanette — and it’s understandable why — that’s not where the majority of the fault lies. Jeanette Jennings did profit off the transition of her little boy in many ways, including a hit television show, numerous speaking engagements, and elevation to stardom in the “trans community,” where she is treated like the Virgin Mother of the Christ child. But she is also a victim of a predatory medical industry full of people who lie for billions of dollars.

Marci Bowers is one of those people. A biological male who not only transitioned himself but is a surgeon who performs the disfiguring surgeries they call “life-saving” is also Jazz’s surgeon, and he is one of the major villains in this case. It wasn’t only Bowers but also the rest of Jazz’s medical team, from psychologists who didn’t treat Jazz’s gender dysphoria (if he ever had that at all and wasn’t just a feminine boy) to the school counselors and teachers who encouraged Jazz’s fantasies. It is those people who bear the brunt of the blame. The media also needs to take some responsibility for pushing this on the American people as if it was stunning and brave and not dangerous and experimental.

Back when Jazz was eleven and on Barbara Walters, his mother said, “Jazz is a happy transgender kid, and you never hear those words in the same sentence.” But now, Jazz is anything but happy. The last several years have proven to be monstrous in many ways for Jazz. Jeanette broke down in a recent episode, recounting the discussions she had with medical professionals who told her that Jazz was at risk for suicide if she didn’t allow him to transition. “Do you want a live daughter or a dead son?” they said.


This question is repeated to vulnerable parents all over the country when they seek answers to why their child is experiencing body dysmorphia. Instead of treating the underlying illnesses and conditions that could vary from depression to autism to anxiety or more serious events like traumatic abuse, our greatest medical minds prescribe dangerous hormones and surgeries to alter healthy body parts without even asking what’s causing the disconnect between body and mind. They then stop children from experiencing puberty, which is supposed to flood the brain and body with the crucial hormones it needs to fully develop.

This process is so important and necessary that its benefits are still being studied and discovered. One of the reasons Jazz cannot experience sexual desire is because that process was stopped and he was denied the experience of becoming fully human. It reminds me of the eternally stunted vampire child, Claudia, from Interview with a Vampire. Turned into a vampire as a small child in violation of the vampire code, Claudia led an isolated and tragic life with an adult mind in the body of a child. When the reality set in that she would never grow or change, she was filled with violent rage that led to her death.

Related: Disney Corporate Insurance Paying for Trans Surgeries and Hormones for Employees and Their Kids

This story of perpetual childhood always made me weep, for, although it is a wonderful thing to be a child, it’s also a time of great longing for that day when maturation and adulthood will come. As children, we spend years dreaming of the day we will graduate from high school, get married, fall in love, become a mother or a father, or chase whatever dream it is that we’ve been dreaming. It is understood that children cannot become everything they were meant to be until they mature.


As I’ve watched Jazz in the last couple of years, it’s very clear that he’s suffering in a state of perpetual childhood. He was stopped from going through male puberty, but he also didn’t go through female puberty. He has no body hair at all. He has never had to shave his legs. He never developed pubic hair. The idea that kids whose puberty is blocked will then go through the opposite sex puberty when given hormones is false. The things that cross-sex hormones give a person are artificial. Sure, breasts might grow, but they are not functional. They will never suckle a babe.

Sexual maturation can’t happen precisely if puberty was blocked. The hormones required to feel sexual attraction were never released and can’t be duplicated. There are even hormones that are released when we fall in love. Jazz was prevented from having access to those hormones. And orgasm? You need hormones for that, too, and not the kind that come in a syringe. You need the ones that cause all those unwelcome surprise erections and nocturnal emissions, something that Jazz missed entirely.

Marci Bowers knew that this would happen. Did Bowers inform Jazz or his parents of this before blocking Jazz’s puberty?

The end result of stopping male puberty in Jazz’s case is the creation of an adult without sexual function. Though Jazz pretends to have felt arousal, it seems more like wishful thinking as he’s 22 and hasn’t had any real romantic relationship and shies away from any activity like kissing or cuddling. Then there’s the awful reality of Jazz’s neo-vagina, which needs constant dilation so it doesn’t close up.


I remember how painful piercing my ears was and trying to keep those tiny wounds from closing (I eventually gave up). I can’t imagine trying to keep a hole so much larger from closing. Jeanette revealed how reluctant Jazz is to put the dilator in the wound and shocked the nation by saying she threatened to do it to Jazz if he wouldn’t do it for himself more regularly. This young person’s life has been one public humiliation after the next. It makes my heart ache.

One thing is certain: the entire transgender machine is dependent on Jazz putting up a good front. You can be assured that Jazz will be forced to say that he doesn’t regret what the machine did to him. His mother will guilt him, control him, and hover until he does what she wants and assuages her conscience. He will put on a happy face to the best of his ability and recite some platitudes about how wonderful it is to be a “woman,” but his eyes tell the truth, and in them is nothing but suffering.

The detransitioners out there have been trying to tell us what’s in store for kids like Jazz. It’s a horrifying future, and it can’t stay hidden forever. If Jazz does somehow manage to escape the machine, there’s a whole community waiting for him that will try to help him come to terms with what has happened. He’s not alone. There are so many kids and adults just like him who were lied to, manipulated, and permanently scarred.



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