Do you remember who Hillary Clinton’s running mate was? You probably had to think about it for a bit, didn’t you? It was Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va.). Don't worry if you had to Google it. Despite being on a “historic” ticket, Kaine’s stint as Hillary’s token dude has done nothing to increase his political capital. Naturally, Kamala Harris's running mate is desperately trying to avoid political obscurity, and it’s not going well.
Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, whose brief stint as Kamala Harris’s running mate was marred by allegations of stolen valor, dishonesty about his past drunk driving arrest and academic credentials, and other scandals, is undeterred by the beating he and Harris took in November. Known for his shameless beta male antics—calling JD Vance “weird,” pretending to be “Coach Walz” despite knowing little about football, and botching a hunting photo op so badly it made Mike Dukakis’s tank stunt look presidential—he’s now trying to stay relevant by holding nationwide town halls. The problem? He can’t fill the seats—and he’s absolutely terrible at it.
Yet, he fancies himself presidential material.
"If I think I could offer something...I would certainly consider that," Walz declared during an interview earlier this month.
What’s funny about that is Kamala reportedly chose Walz because he promised not to have presidential ambitions. But now that the election is over, it’s obvious that Walz is still broken up about it and loves the limelight. He craves the spotlight, and with the 2028 election on the horizon, he’s working to position himself as a serious contender rather than just a vanity candidate.
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Seriously, his debate performance against JD Vance last year should have killed that dream—suggesting we should "befriend school shooters" isn't exactly winning campaign material.
Let’s not forget—this is the same Tim Walz who stood by as Minneapolis burned during the BLM riots. Now, he’s jetting around the country, ranting about “fascists and Nazis” supposedly stealing America. But when pressed on his reckless rhetoric, did he stand by his words like a man? Nope.
Honestly, every time he makes a public appearance, he humiliates himself. During an appearance on Gavin Newsom’s podcast, he said of Trump supporters, “I think I can kick most of their ass.” Yeah, no Trump supporter is worried about a man who thinks tampons belong in the men’s room.
His recent attacks on Elon Musk have been embarrassing too. He called Musk a “South African nepo baby,” which is as racist as it sounds. Curiously, he also attacks JD Vance for having the audacity to pull himself out of poverty, attend Yale, and become successful.
“I had 24 kids in my high school class and none of them went to Yale,” Walz said during his DNC acceptance speech.
But it's Walz's bizarre obsession with Elon Musk that really shows how desperate he's become. This week, he bragged about how he gets his jollies from seeing Tesla’s stock go down.
“There’s this thing on my phone; I know some of you know this, on the iPhone. They’ve got that little stock app. I added Tesla to it to give me a little boost during the day,” he said. “225 and dropping,” he gleefully exclaimed. Imagine trying to position yourself as a presidential candidate in a few years by openly rooting against an American company.
But hey, at least he's got those jazz hands going for him. Maybe he can use them to wave goodbye to his political career.
