How You Can Gain 10 Pounds in 5 Days


I'm starting the column late, and it's going to be a little disorganized, because it's been one of those weeks. I've got my two new columns running (science on Thursdays and Buddhism on Sundays, both here on PJ Lifestyle) and had another article up as well, all on a week where I had big demos and deliverables at my day job. And I finally bought a car to replace the one I broke in April.

Other than that, nothing much happened except that I gained ten freaking pounds in five freaking days!

On 23 June I, weighed 268.6, a new low. On 28 June, I weighed 278.

Hmph. Words fail me.

Now, rationally I know this isn't something that could possibly be a "real" weight gain. I mean, c'mon, 7000 kcal extra a day for five days? Plus, I hadn't actually eaten anything unusual, except that 24 June was a splurge day. I was craving Oreo cookies, my secret vice that I hadn't indulged since, probably, before my mother's heart attack, she having been my Oreo cookie enabler. So I bought an 8oz bag of those little tiny Oreos, and over the course of the day ate it all.

Wheat, sugar, I tell you, it had it everything.

And it tasted wonderful for the first few cookies. By the end of the bag, I was a little tired of the things, honestly, but I wanted to finish the bag because I knew if I didn't, when I got back on the wagon they'd be sitting there in the cupboard or the freezer, taunting me.