The New Trumpers Handbook: What to Expect Now That You're a Patriot

Greetings, new Trumpers. 'Bout time...

I could play the "I liked that band before you did" card about being a Trump fan first, but that would remind you of your balding yet blue-haired, creepy liberal uncle still listening to Joy Division cassette tapes in his 1998 Toyota Camry that he can't afford to replace.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS-O-RAMA! I just pulled the 1998 Camry out of my bahookie, and BAM, it turns out it was the most popular car sold in 1998, with 429,575 rolling out of showrooms. The Ford F-150 dwarfed the Camry sales with 836,748 sold.

I'm just happy you're finally on board. This article is for whom?

Trump told me to post this, for the people that haven't voted, he is pointing at you.... GO VOTE!pic.twitter.com/aWnTQ1APzm
— Scott Bales (@ScottBalesX) November 5, 2024

Now that you're riding the Trump train, there are a few things you need to know.

You're a racist

I know, I know, you're not a racist. You're part of the most diverse voting block the GOP has seen since the days when black folks voted en masse for Republicans because they freed their grandparents from Democrat slave owners. But to the testicle haters on the left, you might as well be wearing a Klan Klown hood.

Replace "giggidy, giggidy" with "bigoty, bigoty." Say this to every dolt who calls you a racist. They hate that.

via GIP

Remember, you're a patriot now. You helped stave off actual communism in a nation with a long history of fighting tyranny.

You're likely sick of reading about illegal immigrants raping and murdering women and kids. In the eyes of the brain-dead Marxist, this makes you "racist."

The communists use the word "racist" as a means of control to do away with whatever and whomever they want to cancel. That is why voter ID is somehow "racist"; without it, Democrats can cheat in elections.

Watch as Ami Horowitz invites liberal white people to beclown themselves over how "racist" voter ID is and chuckle as the weaklings take the bait.

The pinko stinkos have nothing in their quiver but to call you a "racist." Wear it like the badge of honor it truly is. You're not a racist; you're a thinking American.

You're phobic

Are you opposed to the religion of pieces that is responsible for most of the terror attacks worldwide? You're an Islamophobe. Do you stand for all the women and kids victimized physically and sexually by bearded ladies? You're transphobic.

FACT-O-RAMA! The left can say what it wants about Christianity, but I have never seen a nun explode.

PJ Media's own Robert Spencer wrote what I believe to be one of the most important articles relating to the communists using the word "racist" to subjugate a nation or, dare I say, most of Europe. And while you're at it, I'm running low on bourbon, so please peep at these inconvenient truths as well:

Now, the Bad News

As a new, blaring Trumpet, you may have some hard times ahead. If a natural disaster hits your community, that Trump flag on your house may result in FEMA ignoring you.

Unlike the rioting sally-lads of Antifa, you may get shot at a protest. You could be surveilled for going to church. You might lose custody of your kid for not playing along with trans insanity. You could even go to jail for peacefully standing up for your country.

I'm kidding! Now that Trump is headed for the White House, domestic tyranny will disappear. But keep an eye on that purple-haired thingamabob down the street. Those Antifa types are an odd bunch. They are happy to fight despite never really learning how to throw or take a punch.

Check out these slap-happy pansies learning a lesson from a real man. I can't watch this video enough.

Antifa attacks a real man and meets FAFO fist to face pic.twitter.com/h9kUpromUb
— CaliRN619 🚑🩺🚑 (@CaliRN619) December 18, 2023

I predict happy times are here again. Trump is back, and the deep state has a case a scorching case of Delhi belly. The Operation Mockingbird media mudpuppies know that their reign of fake news has cost them dearly.

PINKO-RAMA! Operation Mockingbird, the CIA's takeover of news outlets, is still happening. You can read the Church Committee Report on Foreign and Military Intelligence of 1976 (page 455) and see who the CIA controls news outlets worldwide.

Most importantly, as a new Trumper, you need to understand that the threat of communism isn't going away. The Marxists are licking their wounds, but the devil is real and still on the move.

Now is the best time to become a PJ Media VIP warrior. Big Non-binary Sibling is trying to turn off the lights of honest news sites like ours.

Click HERE, and I bet my lovely editors will throw you a tasty, patriotic discount on a VIP membership. Let's check:

KDJ: "Dear editors, do you have a sweet deal for the new Trumpers who helped save the nation from the filthy communists in the Democratic Party?"

Editor Chris: "Yes, we do! Use the code FIGHT for 60% off!"

Bam, that's one tasty deal! Thank you, Chris!

Editor Chris: You're welcome!

What's that? You're already a VIP warrior? THANK YOU. You clearly see the writing on the wall. Why not become an officer in the PJ Media army and step up to PJ Media Platinum? You'll have access to contact your fave PJ Media writers AND watch Townhall TV. We'll even throw in a $25 gift certificate to the Townhall swag shop and a lifetime 20% discount on merch.

Now that you're in the fight, check out the bolshie bullet your vote helped us dodge.

Welcome aboard, patriot! Freedom is everything. Let's keep fighting together to keep our liberties flowing.