Secret Service Spends $30K a Month on Mansion to Protect America's Favorite Crackhead

AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais, File

When Hunter Biden isn’t busy smoking crack with hookers or snorting cocaine off of their tail feathers, and when he isn’t taking money from China, Ukraine, and Russia, he needs a place to rest his weary, bloodshot eyes. So does the Secret Service, which has the duty to protect him.

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The Secret Service is dropping mad stacks on a swanky mansion to house the agents responsible for protecting the president’s drug-addled, tax-dodging, bag-man of a son.

Hunter is currently living in Malibu, Calif., where he rents a mansion for $20,000 a month. The Secret Service found plushy digs next door and is dropping just over $30,000 a month to be close to Hunter. Agents have been there for almost a year.

Hunter’s sumptuous pad comes with all the necessities a drug addict requires:

  • four bedrooms, three bathrooms
  • chef’s kitchen
  • pool
  • spa
  • built-in BBQ
  • al fresco dining, (I had to look that up. It means Hunter has an outdoor dining room)

No mention of an artist’s loft for Hunter to whip up those $500,000 paintings.

“Typically, wherever a protectee sets up their residence, the Secret Service is forced to find someplace to rent nearby at market value,” retired Secret Service agent Don Mihalek told ABC News, where he is now a contributor.

The Secret Service mansion is said to have “gorgeous ocean views.”

The agency also has homes for its agents in Wilmington and Rehoboth Beach, Del., near two other Biden residences.

When asked for more information, an anonymous Secret Service official told ABC News, “Due to the need to maintain operational security, the U.S. Secret Service does not comment on the means, methods, or resources used to conduct our protective operations.”

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FACT-O-RAMA! I’ve never seen a picture of Donald Trump, Jr. naked, yet I’ve seen Hunter’s “love gun” a dozen times. Is anyone else appalled?

Hunter has been keeping a low profile since his lickspittle friends in the Pravda press confirmed what we all knew: that his laptop and the juicy tidbits on it are real.

Well, NO DUH. Despite what 51 bootlicking intel toadies said, everyone smarter than a potato knew those rascally Russians didn’t make fake videos of Hunter slobbering on prostitutes and cuddling with his 14-year-old niece, Natalie Biden.

Not to mention emails that mention “10% for the big guy.”

Keep an eye on the Hunter Biden saga, folks. It is arguably the most important story in America. If things go the way they SHOULD, the Biden crime family will be exposed and the world will see the first family is a bunch of lizard-people. I know, I know, I know, that’s a mighty big “if.”

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