Is There Such a Thing As Nazi Milk?

Have you ever taken one of those multiple-choice tests where you knew the answer, but you also knew that was not the answer they wanted you to give? Anyone who has to take continuing “education” credits to keep their license knows they can probably skip the ethics book. The ethics test simply requires them to read through all the various ways of asking the same question again and again and answer, “Yes, everything is racist.” The A+++ will follow as night follows day.

I’m sure there are people from the Show Me state out there, so I would like to enter into evidence Exhibit A: Bioethics Professor at New York University, Arthur Caplan. As with most bioethics experts, we can stipulate based on undisputed public statements by Professor Caplan that he is ignorant of when life begins, so he supports abortion. He also does not know the difference between the DNA structure of a man and the DNA structure of a woman, so he believes in transgerderism. Others may argue that killing and mutilating human beings is an act of malice, but a) that does not disqualify anyone from being a bioethicist, and b) there is no rule that a professor has to be born with common sense or even a brain.

His ignorance of basic biology in these areas is not the point. It is more about his knowledge of chemistry. Under consideration is his public assessment of the properties of whole milk. “Nazis were enamored of whole milk as well,” he wrote in his blog. “I am suspicious. Milk drinking is political. Drinking whole white milk has played a big role in racist and far-right thinking. In America, drinking whole milk has for years been a part of alt-right, white nationalist messaging in tweets, memes, and videos.”

Who knew that Cap’n Crunch and that little leprechaun were colluding with the Nazis? And Tony the Tiger, say it ain’t so. When people sign their emails, cheerio, is that a crypto Nazi salute? As for Count Chocula, well, he’s a vampire, so what do you expect? The Nuremberg Milk trials will not be pretty, especially when they get Shredded Wheat on the stand. Will defendants get off easier if they drink 2% or 1% milk? What about those skim milk people? And, Batman, will I be named an unindicted co-conspirator?

This past summer, I spent a wonderful afternoon along the banks of the Susquehanna River with Rep. Glenn "GT" Thompson (R-Pa.), and his charming wife, Penny, at a mutual friend’s wedding. When I asked what was next in Congress after the One Big Beautiful Bill, he laid out the details of his bill, The Whole Milk for Healthy Kids Act.

As someone who prefers whole milk, I was shocked to learn that government assistance programs banned it for the poor. Talk about discrimination! If you are poor and you see a do-gooder running in your direction, your best bet is to high-tail it out of there before they tackle you and start pouring skim milk down your throat. Ugh.

The Thompsons are down-to-earth people. Rep. Thompson had a quarter-century of service as a volunteer firefighter, emergency medical technician, and rescue technician. When I asked Mrs. Thompson about how she dealt with all the D.C. hoopla associated with being a congressman’s wife in the capital, she simply said, I used to be a school bus driver, so I can deal with anything.

Rep. Thompson is the dean of the Pennsylvania delegation and routinely wins over 70% of the vote in his district despite attempts to gerrymander him out. He is a case in point about why state legislature elections are as important, or maybe even more important, than federal elections if you want to protect congressional seats.

In January 2026, President Donald Trump signed Thompson's bill into law. It took our sluggish bioethicists, Exhibit A, over a month to respond. But these days, professors are often slow on the uptake.

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