We Will Control The Horizontal. We Will Control The Vertical.

There is nothing wrong with your computer’s monitor. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next seven minutes, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to… the Outer Limits of the 2008 presidential race:

On the left, Slate explores Mike Gravel’s Kubrickian campaign videos: “He’s a long shot. A really long shot. This is the man that Dennis Kucinich laughs at when he wants to make fun of long shots”.

And on the right, more video: Ron Paul in his freewheelin’ early days…on the infamous Morton Downey, Jr. Show

Finally, speaking of video, or lack thereof, Drudge reports that another potential entrant to the 2008 race has cancelled his personal appearances today:

SOURCES: Gore has cancelled series of interviews to promote LIVE EARTH. He did TODAY and a radio interview, then cancelled several interviews with local TV stations around the country, citing ‘schedule conflict’…

The Arctic Monkeys, whose name alone sounds like something out of the Outer Limits, could not be reached for comment.

Update: Submitted for your approval–oh wait, sorry, wrong show: “I