'A Man Who Changes Your Oil Might as Well Be Reading You Love Poems.'

I am re-reading psychologist Shawn Smith’s new book The Woman’s Guide to How Men Think: Love, Commitment, and the Male Mind. I read the manuscript the first time when the publisher asked me to blurb it and I found it a very helpful book for women who want to have a better relationship with their significant other. Here is what I had to say:


Shawn Smith does not apologize for male traits, nor does he try to change them. Instead, he reveals what they mean to women who want a better relationship with the man who possesses those traits. This book walks female readers through the male mind, and helps them understand how to be more empathetic and connected to the man they love. This book teaches that men’s behavior and love is not better or worse, just different. Acknowledging the difference is what makes this guide a gem.

The book has a section on how male love can be different than women’s. The author discusses how men are more prone to demonstrating love with action rather than through words. Smith gives an example of how a man will demonstrate his love by changing a woman’s oil to show he wants her to be safe and happy. Women don’t always understand that message. One man in the book stated, “It seems like I can knock myself out doing repairs, cutting firewood, working on the cars, and even doing housework, but somehow, it’s an issue with what I haven’t done. That really makes me retreat.”


Women and society have been trained to see the culture and relationships through the female lens. Men are seen as “the other” and their way of doing things is suspect and wrong. We need to think about what message this is sending to men. It is no wonder they retreat like the man mentioned above or simply go on strike. Books like The Woman’s Guide to How Men Think might help, but only if women listen.

Also see: 

International Conference for Men’s Issues


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