Culture

Restaurant Servers in Maine Ordered to Wear Face Shields in an... Interesting Way

AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez, File

Editor’s note: This article has been updated to make it absolutely clear that restaurant workers were not ordered to wear dog collars.

As if things couldn’t get any more bizarre with the state of Maine’s response to its trickling number of COVID-19 cases, now comes word from the Maine Department of Economic and Community Development that restaurant servers will be required to wear cones of shame.

Well, sort of.

Most of the updates are just a few additions or clarifications to previously released checklists.

For example, front-of-house staff in restaurants who choose to wear face shields must now wear them upside down so that they are attached at the collar instead of the forehead, so that their breath is directed up, not down. [Ephasis added]

To be clear, servers can wear suffocating masks in a hot kitchen or they can wear cones of shame.

Someone photoshopped what the new coronavirus requirement might look like.

I was just kidding when I declared months ago that my English Mastiff Moby was ready for the “cone-a-virus” by, uh, actually wearing a corona.

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I’m ready for the cone-a-virus!

A post shared by Moby (@mymastiffmoby) on

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Oddly, as our counterparts over at RedState report, the cooks in the kitchen are not required to wear cones—or masks for that matter. Why? For that matter, why would anyone, based on the numbers?

Its median fatality age in the U.S. is 80 years old and even higher in many other nations. In no-lockdown Sweden, it’s 86!

If you remove just six states with extraordinarily high nursing home deaths from the U.S. data, COVID-19 never even reached the CDC’s threshold for an epidemic. [They define epidemics in terms of fatalities not, as one might expect, cases.]

Look at the hospitalizations for COVID-19 in a small northeastern state:

(The COVID Tracking Project)

The lethality of the Wuhan coronavirus has plummeted in the state. An accumulated 405 people have been hospitalized so far and seven people are currently being treated. There have been 4,253 cases with 3,679 recovered and 128 who died.

By comparison, with no mitigating measures, the H1N1 (swine) flu pandemic, which came on the scene in 2009 and 2010, saw 250 people, mostly children, hospitalized in 2009 alone. Twenty-one adults died and no children because “Maine was extremely fortunate to have experienced one of the mildest disease surges in the country.”

Coronavirus cases have gone up slightly in Maine over the last few days, which presumably provided the excuse for the draconian and inhumane masking measure.

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Certainly no one counted on people being arrested on stand-up paddleboards or being required to wear cones when all epidemiologists asked for was a 15-day quarantine to “flatten the curve” all those months ago.

As the Moonbattery website observes, “Forcing us to obliterate our individuality by wearing masks was not explicit enough… No one can miss the significance of making people wear dog cones.”

Now, quick, go fetch me something to eat.