Hey, Guys -- Not Feeling Well? Nobody Cares

For real men, the only acceptable answer to “how are you?” is “fine.” You could look it up:

Men consistently report that they are healthier than women but have higher mortality rates. We hypothesized that men were sexually selected to present themselves as healthy to possible mates, according to predictions from health selection theory. The present study tested this theory by contrasting known influences of female mate choice with male’s reactions to a health problem (flu symptoms, reaction to vog (air pollution associated with volcanic emissions in the Hawaiian islands) or a headache). Participants viewed three sets of slides contrasting male facial symmetry, physique, and status with stoicism (defined as ignoring a health problem) and were asked to choose which male they preferred as a long-term or a short-term mate.

By the way, who the hell reacts to “vog”? I was just in the Hawaiian Islands, within hailing distance of the Kilauea volcano, and I feel fine!

Pele very angry

Back to the Battle of the Sexes:

Participants preferred stoic men who worked even though they were experiencing health problems as long-term mates, disregarding the male’s facial symmetry and physique. Status also significantly affected long-term mate choice. In short-term mate choice, participants shifted their preferences to symmetrical faces and mesomorphic bodies, signals of attractiveness, disregarding stoicism. In conclusion, our data provide support for health selection theory. Additionally, preventive health measures directed at men should recognize their reluctance to recognize minor health problems and focus on techniques that enhance men’s perception of their health symptoms.

Oh, baloney. The only time a real man needs to see a doctor is when he’s having a heart attack, has been shot, or has fallen from a five-story building. The rest of the time, we’re just fine.  Right, guys? Right?