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The Morning Briefing: Where Are All of These People We're Told Are Voting for Creepy Joe Biden?

AP Photo/Andrew Harnik
In Search of the Invisible Biden Voter

Happy Taco Tuesday, my Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Let’s begin with some light stretching.

We are two weeks away from what used to be called “Election Day.” Early voting and vote-by-mail have rendered the idea rather meaningless. In fact, this election may actually go longer than the interminably long campaign did. We’re still calling it “Election Day” for now though. We can rename it after this one ends some time next January.

I have been reassessing my thoughts and gut feelings about this election almost daily. Most of my friends and colleagues are very confident about Trump’s chances. I often leave conversations with them feeling buoyed for a short time, then quickly begin thinking that I would like some of whatever it is they’re smoking.

I worry, of course, about the full-court press that the media has put on to defeat President Trump and protect the drooling idiot that the Democrats are running. Stacey wrote last week that even left-leaning Axios admitted that Grandpa Gropes is the least scrutinized presidential candidate ever. Meanwhile, President Trump’s every breath is imbued with hidden sinister meaning by the Democratic advocacy media.

As Treacher wrote yesterday, the MSM is determined to get this senile lib across the finish line no matter what. I can’t discount the very real possibility that they may be able to pull it off after failing so miserably in 2016.

There are a variety of things that plunge me into electoral despair and make me plan out post-election alcohol and narcotic combo menus to get me through it all. As you are all no doubt aware by now, I tend to be dark, so this Village Pessimist role comes naturally to me.

HAVING WRITTEN ALL THAT…

I am still trying to find any evidence that the stories being told by the polls are true. I see Trump drawing crowds again and being energized. He was here in Tucson yesterday and drew a great crowd at an annoying time of day and for just a quickie stop.

Then I see Joe Biden…nowhere. Stacey wrote yesterday that Sleepy Joe is back in the basement until after the debate. We can’t really believe he’s doing prep all of that time. He knows he’s not going to be asked any difficult questions. He didn’t directly answer even one question in the first debate. No, he’s merely avoiding campaigning.

When he does campaign, the throngs who are telling pollsters that they’re Team Gropes aren’t there. Our friends at the Babylon Bee perfectly lampooned this:

Perhaps they do exist but don’t feel the need to show up for his “rallies” because they already voted last June, or whenever the early-voting fraud started. Still, you would think that a candidate who is ahead by 742 billion points in the polls could at least get some of his popular vote-crushing hordes to show up in public on occasion. Just a fraction, Joe.

Yes, I know people who are going to vote for Biden. None of them are doing it enthusiastically. That’s not something I’ve inferred, that’s what they’ve told me.

The people I know who are voting for Trump are fond of saying that they would crawl over broken glass to do so.

That to me is a perfect snapshot of why I might want to hold off on chugging Jameson and Tramadol for just a bit longer.

I see Trump people in the streets. I don’t see Biden people. This may be inexact, but so is polling.

I feel better already and I’m totally sober.

Oh, I need to tell my friends to stop promising to crawl over broken glass to vote because the Democrats will totally try and make us do that going forward if they win.

Early Voting Is the Devil and Has Completely Corrupted the Election Process

Ponder Indeed

My Hometown!

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Bee Me

The Kruiser Kabana

So I guess I’m never going to be the weirdest guy on a Zoom call again.

___

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PJ Media Senior Columnist and Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.” His columns appear twice a week.