The Morning Briefing: Impeachment Trial Week Is Here and Please God Kill It With Fire

Help Us, Cocaine Mitch, You’re Our Only Hope

Phase Two of Impeachmentpalooza is about to roll into the collective conscience of politics-weary America and the best we can hope for is that the Republican-controlled Senate will treat this thing like the impertinent toddler temper-tantrum that it is.

Thankfully, this round is in the hands of Cocaine Mitch, who has given every indication that he is just not in the mood for this tawdry process to drag out.

Republicans are being accused of attempting to “weaponize” the process, which really just means “fighting back.” Fighting back is always bad if a Republican is doing it.

Nancy Pelosi’s House Democrats — who are now under the complete control of de facto Speaker Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — conducted an impeachment “inquiry” that was so sham-ridden an alcoholic carnival barker would be embarrassed to be associated with them.

The Senate’s post-McCain pitbull Lindsey Graham says he wants to wrap up this nonsense quickly. He is so not in the mood for any of this:

Senate Judiciary Chairman and the President's closest confidant, Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) joined FOX News Sunday for an exclusive interview. Sen Graham reacts to the Democrat's trial brief saying the President's conduct is the "framers' worst nightmare." #FNS #FoxNews pic.twitter.com/mppEZ0aAgH

— FoxNewsSunday (@FoxNewsSunday) January 19, 2020

This hideous clown-car excursion needs to end fast not because it would be best for the president or the GOP, but because it would be good for America. There will be no shortage of drama throughout this election year, why ramp it up this early?

As we’ve discussed, the Democrats are under the impression that impeachment will work out well for them, which the sane world knows isn’t possible/true/realistic. Sure, it’s tempting to let them continue believing that, but the longer we do, the more it just sucks the life force out of the nation.

Best to dash their hopes quickly, thoroughly, and brutally.

Sad, but Interesting

Blockbuster once passed up an opportunity to buy Netflix, and within a matter of years this mistake would come back to haunt them in a major way pic.twitter.com/LTySnibxUR

— Business Insider (@businessinsider) January 20, 2020

PJM Linktank

They had to make it weirder. New York Times Endorses Both Warren and Klobuchar for Democratic Nomination

I know who I’m pulling for. ICE Goes to War With New York City Over Sanctuary Policies

Here’s How Joe Biden’s Family Got Rich While He Was Vice-President

A Modest Proposal for Dealing with Star Wars VII-IX

Black Pearl Harbor Hero to Have Carrier Named for Him

Meet the Markels:

Conservative Street Artist Mocks Ex-Royals Meghan and Harry in Latest Hit

Queen Strips Royal Titles and Military Honors in Harry and Meghan’s Break-Up Deal

Meghan Markel’s Dad on #Megxit: She’s ‘Turning Royal Family Into Walmart With a Crown’

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Watch Adam Schiff Tell Three Laughable Impeachment Whoppers in Less Than 90 Seconds

Joe Waits for the Volcano

Michael Gerson’s Love Affair with Buttigieg Is All Smoke and Mirrors

Cool with me. Bernie Supporters Plan to Boycott Election if Biden Is Nominee: ‘People Will Sit at Home’

#WINNING. Under Trump, America May Be Its Strongest Since the End of World War II

VIP

Would Hillary Clinton Have Won If It Weren’t for That Pesky Electoral College?

Eerie Echoes of the Eugenics Movement in Abortion and Transgenderism

VodkaPundit: ZOMG We’re All Gonna Die: 2019 Second-Hottest Year on Record (Except It Isn’t)

From the Mothership and Beyond

An Open Letter To All Those Attending Virginia’s Lobby Day

We should be canceled as a species. Disgusting TikTok challenge sees people eat cereal out of each other’s mouths

Paul Krugman Is a Global Warming Alarmist. Don’t Be Like Him.

CNN Drops the Mask and Proves Martha McSally Was Right

Can you spot the error in this tweet a NYT journo is relying on to prove her point?

If Deval Patrick can’t complete a video call successfully, how can he be POTUS? 

Even Rob Lowe’s brother is making fun of his NFL hat at the Niners-Packers game

Warren: I’m The Only One Running With Executive Experience

Venezuela’s Legislature Literally Moves Into A Political Theater

What could go wrong? Vancouver to test opioid vending machines to help fight opioid addiction

Bernie confirms gender is an obstacle for female politicians, then admits his age is also an obstacle

These lying scumbags need to be stopped. Nadler Out-And-Out Lies on ‘Face the Nation’: Trump ‘Worked With Russians to Rig 2016 Election’

WATCH: Don Jr. Wants the Bidens to Take Part in the Impeachment Trial

She’s a haunted house creature. Maxine Waters: ‘We Will Not Stop,’ There May Be More ‘Impeachment Activity’ Later In the Year

In a New Video, the Hero of the Texas Church Shooting Has a Message We Should All Hear

New Jersey County Declares Its Support For Second Amendment

Warren Slams Bloomberg For Delaying FEC Report Until After Super Tuesday

The star of the 49ers’ dominant win over the Packers nearly became a pro surfer and was cut 6 times in the NFL before breaking out

Schlichter: Conservatives Love McSally’s Brutal Media Diss

Bee Me

Progressives Admit They're Just Not Used To Killing People Who Might Fight Back https://t.co/bUfCXVpXzy

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 19, 2020

The Kruiser Kabana

https://twitter.com/41Strange/status/1219159237881806849

He’s right…the first time you see your name on a marquee in Vegas is SO showbiz. Mine was on the MGM marquee in the early ’90s and I didn’t quite know what to do with myself.

Calisthenics is an awkward word. Actually, “awkward” is an awkward word.

___

Kruiser Twitter
Kruiser Facebook
PJ Media Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author of “Don’t Let the Hippies Shower” and “Straight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.”