PJ Media

The Dangerous Book for Dogs

Today, I received my copy of a href=”http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0345503708?ie=UTF8tag=wwwviolentkicomlinkCode=as2camp=1789creative=9325creativeASIN=0345503708″span style=”font-style:italic;”The Dangerous Book for Dogs/span,/a a parody of a href=”http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061243582?ie=UTF8tag=wwwviolentkicomlinkCode=as2camp=1789creative=9325creativeASIN=0061243582″span style=”font-style:italic;”The Dangerous Book for Boys/span/a written by authors of span style=”font-style:italic;”the Onion/span. The book description (Hat tip: Instapundit) looked so funny that I had to order it:blockquotebr /br / span style=”font-style:italic;”The Dangerous Book for Dogs/span asks a simple question: isn’t there more to being a dog than wearing a mini cashmere sweater and riding around in a $400 evening clutch? What about the simple pleasures of life — feeling the wind in your fur, digging up the grass beneath your paws, smelling another dog’s butt? Isn’t that part of the great joy of being a dog?/blockquotebr /br /The book is “written” by two dogs, Rex and Sparky, who (from the back cover) “wrote this parody without authorization (because they are dogs and they do what they want).” The book is written for other dogs and starts with a Preface entitled, “I Didn’t Have This Book When I Was a Puppy.” “Today’s dog should never forget that there’s a whole wide world of adventure out there.”br /br /From there, the chapters include such adventures as: “Things You Can Chase,” “Begging-A Primer,” “Foul Smells Every Dog Should Roll In,” “How to Make Your Owner Look Like an Idiot,” “Creative Pee Stains,” “Training a New Human” and “How to Ruin the Perfect Dinner Party.”br /br /In the “How to Make Your Owner Look Like an Idiot” chapter, there is a section on “Aggressive Crotch Sniffing.” I have always wondered why the heck dogs do this. Here is why from a dog’s point of view:blockquotebr /br / A common myth held among humans is that we enjoy sticking our snouts into their crotches. False. Who on earth would think this is a pleasant experience? No, the truth is that we sniff crotches because it makes owners wildly uncomfortable. There’s not a lot of technique here. Take your nose; shove it into a crotch.br /br / The real payoff comes when the people your owner is speaking with begin to scroll through a laundry list of questions in their minds: What is wrong with this person’s crotch that his dog is so attracted to it? Doesn’t he wash himself? Is he keeping a sandwich in his crotch? Why would he do that? I have to stop speaking to this person immediately and report him to the authorities.br /br / Also, consider environments and scenarios in which a sniffed crotch would be particularly embarrassing. Is your owner making out with somebody? He won’t be for long if you dive-bomb his trousers…./blockquotebr /br /Okay, so now you have an idea of the humor of span style=”font-style:italic;”The Dangerous Book for Dogs/span. Is the book worth the ten buck purchase price? Uhh, perhaps if you enjoy this type of humor, are a dog lover or owner or want a cheap Christmas gift for the dog lover in your life. Otherwise, I think span style=”font-style:italic;”The Dangerous Book for Boys/span or span style=”font-style:italic;”The Daring Book for Girls/span is a better buy.