John Kerry Should Report for Duty — as the White House's New Message Man (UPDATE: Biden Just Applied for the Job)

With rumors that Democrat message mastermind David Axelrod is on his way out of the Obama White House, I have a modest suggestion for his replacement: John Kerry. I know, I know, he’s a senator and he’d have to quit that to take on being the White House’s go-to message guy, but there’s no problem there. It’s not like a Republican could win in Massachusetts and replace him or anything. So no worries there. Don’t get a long face about it.

The nation is in crisis. The White House is in disarray. The president is in public approval freefall. His party is deserting him, and his signature achievements have become massive liabilities. His silver tongue and his TOTUS are failing him. To whom can the nation turn its lonely eyes? Other than Zoe Lofgren and Nancy Pelosi?

At this hour, at this time, the Democratic Party must compel its best and brightest to serve. The president must have the best services of the man behind this comment:

On Friday, Kerry knocked voters as clueless for not paying close enough attention to national issues and being too easily swayed by catchy slogans.

“We have an electorate that doesn’t always pay that much attention to what’s going on so people are influenced by a simple slogan rather than the facts or the truth or what’s happening,” Kerry said.

At first blush it looks like Kerry is calling Americans stupid, inattentive, and suggesting that we have the attention spans of gnats. But hold on — the shrewd senator may have a point. He says it’s the simple slogan that catches our ears.

Ahem.

Even the weak tea “Coffee Party” agrees with Sen. Kerry.

“You can’t stop…a MOVEMENT.” No, no, I suppose you can’t.

Anyway. “Bush lied, people died“…”No blood for oil“…

AHEM.

John Kerry has his finger on the pulse of America, or at least some of it. We know he’s a deep thinker on issues like education and government spending. Mr. President, hire him now!

I’m getting a thrill up my leg just thinking about it.

UPDATE: Veep Joe Biden just applied for the message man gig.

At a fundraiser in Manchester, NH, today, Vice President Biden urged Democrats to “remind our base constituency to stop whining and get out there and look at the alternatives…”

Nice. What’s next for the Democrats, a new motto? “The beatings will continue until morale improves!”