The 2012 election season has produced a bumper crop of pro-Democratic advertisements that are so insulting, juvenile, creepy, violent, obscene, self-defeating and unintentionally counter-productive that just based on these ads alone Romney deserves to win.
Have the Democrats lost their minds? Judging from these seven pro-Obama ads, they haven’t just lost their minds, but their souls too.
If you know any remaining independent undecideds waiting for some advertisement to tell them how to vote, sit them down for ten minutes to watch these seven spots, and I guarantee they’ll not only vote Romney but spend the rest of today volunteering for the Republicans.
If you’ve been a news junkie these last couple weeks then you’ve likely seen all of these before, but for posterity’s sake I’ve gathered them all together in one place so that, whatever the outcome today, historians can pinpoint the moment that politics died.
1. Murdering Republicans Is Funny!
It’s impossible to go any lower than this. Romney voters are gleefully massacred due to their political beliefs, which apparently render them inhuman, therefore allowing liberals to kill them without compunction. Watch and laugh as Republicans are beheaded, shot, blown to smithereens, and have their hearts carved out with chainsaws. If that wasn’t bad enough, all this carnage is enacted by a cast of racist stereotypes.
Needless to say, if a conservative had made an ad like this, he’d be in jail now.
2. Obscene Grannies Threaten to “Cockpunch” Romney Right in the Nutsack
Liberal nonprofit MoveOn.org hired Michael Moore to make this painfully unfunny anti-Romney ad, featuring foul-mouthed grannies threatening to “burn this motherfucker down” if Romney wins and then to “cockpunch” Romney “right in the nutsack.” Presumably, someone, somewhere, read the script for this piece and then saw the rough cut and
Actually, it is quite effective, but not quite in the way the makers intended. I tried to describe this ad to my own Democratic-voting mother (who doesn’t have a computer), and she absolutely refused to believe that such an ad could exist. So I brought my laptop over to her house and showed her the ad as proof that my description was accurate; she was so repulsed and offended that she announced afterward that she wasn’t going to vote this year because she didn’t want to be associated with that kind of language. Thank you, MoveOn!
3. Voting for Obama Is Like F*cking Obama
This is easily the most famous of the atrocious advertisements, and has already been dissected ad nauseam by talk show panelists and late-night comedians. Some new TV star named Lena Dunham (I assume it’s a girl, though it could pass for a 12-year-old boy) compares voting for Obama to losing your virginity. But the ad crosses the line from obscene to insane because the person you’re losing your virginity to is… Obama.
1952’s “I Like Ike” has given way to 2012’s “I Want to F*ck Barack.”
4. Talking Vagina Announces the End of Feminism
“A vote for Obama is a vote for me: Vagina 2012.”
40 years of women’s rights and feminist theory wiped away in just 145 seconds. Apparently the old joke was correct: A woman is just a life-support system for a p*ssy.
To quote Ed Morrissey, “The marvel of this is that anyone — and I mean anyone — thinks this is an effective way to make a political argument.”
5. Chorus of Robotic Children Sing Funereal Mass Accusation
This ad was so heinous and so widely disliked that it was actually taken offline by its creators, “The Future Children Project,” after backfiring spectacularly:
The ad, which received heaps of scorn here as well, was nearly universally lambasted by critics. It was the personal project of Jeff Goodby and Rich Silverstein, the founders of Goodby Silverstein and Partners in San Francisco.
The ad went viral quickly, mainly due to universal scorn and a slight resemblance to the children of the corn….
It wasn’t just that the kids resembled alien zombies from a horror film, it’s that the whole vibe was strongly reminiscent of the Hitler Youth, mashed up with hilariously awkward lyrics pointing the finger of blame at any adults who violate various liberal tropes:
Imagine an America
Where strip mines are fun and free
Where gays can be fixed
And sick people just die
And oil fills the seaWe don’t have to pay for freeways!
Our schools are good enough
Give us endless wars
On foreign shores
And lots of Chinese stuffWe’re the children of the future
American through and through
But something happened to our country
And we’re kinda blaming youWe haven’t killed all the polar bears
But it’s not for lack of trying
Big Bird is sacked
The Earth is cracked
And the atmosphere is fryingCongress went home early
They did their best we know
You can’t cut spending
With elections pending
Unless it’s welfare doughWe’re the children of the future
American through and through
But something happened to our country
And we’re kinda blaming youFind a park that is still open
And take a breath of poison air
They foreclosed your place
To build a weapon in space
But you can write off your au pairIt’s a little awkward to tell you
But you left us holding the bag
When we look around
The place is all dumbed down
And the long term’s kind of a dragWe’re the children of the future
American through and through
But something happened to our country
And yeah, we’re blaming youYou did your best
You failed the testMom and Dad
We’re blaming you!
Luckily, I was able to find a version still available online (thanks to commenter Rev. R. Farrier for the tip!), which is why you’re able to watch it here despite the producers’ attempt to flush it down the memory hole.
6. Will Ferrell Tries to Make Obama Ad, Ends Up Mocking Celebrity Obama Endorsements
The first time I watched this, I thought it was a satire making fun of celebrity endorsements. I was shocked to discover that it’s actually an official Obama campaign ad uploaded by BarackObamadotcom.
What went wrong? One must unpack layer upon layer of self-referential postmodern irony to decipher this clip, but this is what I think happened: Will Ferrell was asked to make an Obama ad, and agreed, but knew at some level that celebrity endorsements are essentially shallow and intellectually insulting, so he unconsciously transitioned into a schtick persona of a moronic celebrity (named Will Ferrell) making a vacuous and pointless ad for an uninspiring politician (Obama) with no record worth mentioning. This is not a sincere endorsement: This is a comedy act savagely mocking celebrities who think their opinions are worth a dime. And yet neither Ferrell nor the Obama team seem to grasp that they ended up ridiculing themselves.
7. Kids Lucky Not to Have Been Aborted Want to Get…Abortions
Speaking of unselfconscious irony, this ad proves once and for all that progressives have absolutely no self-awareness. The piece features a series of young girls addressing their pro-choice liberal moms, begging them to vote for the one candidate (Obama) who will ensure that when these girls grow up, they will have the right to abort their own daughters. Say…
Runners-Up:
If you know of any other ads which you think merit inclusion on this list, post them in the comments section below.
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