Zombie

Obama Is Exactly Like Chester A. Arthur

Some pundits claim that Obama is just like Jimmy Carter.

(A few say he’s worse than Carter.)

Still others are absolutely convinced that Obama is the 21st-Century Abraham Lincoln.

(The two certainly share an uncanny resemblance.)

Leading analysts have noted a close parallel between Obama and Franklin D. Roosevelt.

(Some even step outside the presidential canon and compare Obama to Augustus Caesar, Jesus Christ, and Superman.)

And then of course there’s Obama as Clinton, Obama as Reagan, even Obama as Herbert Hoover.

But these comparisons are all ridiculous.

Because you know, I know, and everyone knows the obvious truth, which until now we’ve all been afraid to admit publicly:

Obama is exactly like Chester A. Arthur.

Yes, that Chester A. Arthur, the most obscure of American presidents, aside from maybe Franklin Pierce or that other guy whose name eludes me at the moment.

Proof

Want proof that Obama is Chester A. Arthur’s doppelganger? Stand back:

• Both Obama and Chester A. Arthur have last names that begin with a vowel. That’s, like, totally rare, and except for the Adamses and Ike, all the other presidential last names have begun with a consonant.

• According to his whitehouse.gov biography, “Arthur tried to lower tariff rates so the Government would not be embarrassed by annual surpluses of revenue.” Spooky coincidence! Obama is also embarassed by the massive federal surpluses he’s racked up during his term.

• Their manner of speaking was identical. Consider these quotes from each of the twin presidents addressing the issue of economic downturns during their terms:

1884: Chester A. Arthur said in a speech:

One of the gravest of the problems which appeal to the wisdom of Congress for solution is the ascertainment of the most effective means for increasing our foreign trade and thus relieving the depression under which our industries are now languishing.

2010: Amazingly, Obama said practically the exact same thing 126 years later:

We’re down there. It’s hot. We were sweating. Bugs everywhere. We’re down there pushing, pushing, pushing on the car. Every once in a while we’d look up and see the Republicans standing there. They’re just standing there fanning themselves — sipping on a Slurpee.

• Neither Obama nor Chester A. Arthur are known to have ridden a unicycle.

• Both had strong opinions concerning sideburns. (Chester A. Arthur loved ’em; Obama hates ’em. But their level of emotion concerning sideburns is precisely the same.)

• The political cartoons lampooning both of them are eerily similar, depsite being published over a century apart:

• After he left the White House, it was said about Chester A. Arthur,

No man ever entered the Presidency so profoundly and widely distrusted, and no one ever retired . . . more generally respected.

Obama’s presidency is following the exact same arc of public approval, and when he leaves office in 2012, the identical words will undoubtedly be said about him!

 


 

Case closed. I herewith expect an apology from every pundit who wasted our time comparing Obama to any other president aside from his soul-mate Chester A. Arthur.