It's only Monday, but it's already a momentous week with Supreme Court decisions affecting election integrity (not in a good way), congressional overreach (in a very good way), a brewing Democratic Party civil war, and my little family is about to get a puppy.
Longtime Sharp VodkaPundit Readers™ and Five O'Clock Somewhere viewers know a few things about the Greens and our dogs. The most important is the Overlap Rule, which dictates that we may never (with brief exceptions) have fewer than two dogs or more than three. We didn't really choose three as the upper limit — that's just how many can eat comfortably at the same time in the laundry room. Otherwise, this place would look like a kennel, but fuzzier.
The most heartbreaking thing is that we lost two of our dogs to old age since October. The youngest, Chewie, has served admirably in the role of absorbing enough attention (and treats) for three dogs, but he's nine and could probably use some assistance. Also, we needed some time to grieve.
But then something big changed on Sunday.
My wife Melissa — after telling me pretty much every day for two months that A) We need to get a puppy, and B) She is not ready for a puppy — caught a wicked case of Puppy Fever.
Maybe you can guess what happened next, but the devilish fun (as always on my little corner of PJ Media) is in the details.
And Another Thing: Producer Jim scored World Cup tickets somehow, and I'm told this is a very important match pitting Liechtenstein against Upper Volta. The upshot is that there's no Five O'Clock Somewhere today, so you and the rest of our VIPeeps instead get to watch me get all misty-eyed over dogs. You're welcome, America.
It's impossible to know exactly how it happened because Puppy Fever strikes quickly and without warning — like Ebola but, you know, with puppies. We were at my best friend's (second) surprise 50th birthday party, and sometime between saying all of our hellos and the brunch buffet, Melissa announced, "I'm ready for a puppy."
Did you read February's Thursday Essay about Melissa's pregnancy and childbirth with our firstborn? If you did, then you already know that when that woman decides something, that something is about to happen. We tried to be as polite as we could while scrolling local breeders on our phones and engaging... er, maybe pretending to remain engaged... in conversation with our friends.
The hostess had to prompt us twice when the food was ready.
The drive home was almost an hour. For almost an hour, as I tried my best to navigate around Sunday drivers, Melissa insisted on showing me one nearly identical puppy picture after another. Not that I minded, mind you. Since we didn't decide on anything, the slideshow's only real result was turning me into one of the Sunday drivers.
We did settle one thing, however.
And Another Thing: I didn't mean to be pushy with "And maybe you should, too" in the headline. Or maybe I did.
Melissa and I adopted our first dog, Xander, just a few months after we got married. He was a Golden, and if you know anything about Goldens and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you get why we named him Xander: sweet and loyal, but maybe not always all that bright.
When Xander died too young, we almost immediately got Ty, another Golden. Remy and Chewie followed. Remy was a rescue mutt from the streets of Albuquerque that strangers mistook for a blow-dried show dog, and Chewie was the adorable runt from some random local litter.
Anyway, the big decision this time around was whether to get another rescue, maybe look for a pup on Nextdoor, or take the plunge and get another Golden.
We went back and forth on this a lot after Remy began her final decline.
Melissa and I believe in rescues. We believe in finding homes for random local puppies. But our hearts went out to every Golden puppy we came across, and there must have been a hundred of them.
So we're getting a Golden.
We don't have the breeder picked out yet, but we're doing our due diligence. And someday soon — maybe not soon enough, because you know how Puppy Fever is — we'll bring home a Golden pup.
Finally, we'll have two dogs again. And someday soon — but certainly not soon enough — we'll bring home a third.
