Kamala Harris Teaches the Young Hep-Cats About This Whole Internet Thing

In a new X video that has lefties at outlets like The New Republic breathlessly asking "Is Kamala Harris running?" the failed presidential candidate, failed border czar, and former senator of no particular distinction had something to say to America's hep young people.

“So KamalaHQ is turning into ‘Headquarters,’" Harris announced on Thursday in her least convincing performance since election day, 2024, "and it’s where you can go online to get basically the latest of what’s going on, and also to meet and revisit with some of our great, courageous leaders.”

You can kinda-sorta meet community leaders at Kamala's new Headquarters, which is all the kids really want to do these days. I refer, of course, to kids fed a steady diet of paint chips.

So in addition to meeting all those "great, courageous leaders" and really getting "the latest of what's going on," um... I kind of lost my train of thought. Pretty sure Harris's target demo gets the latest from TikTok or maybe X.

"Stay engaged and I’ll see you out there,” Harris threatened at the end.

Here's the whole announcement:

Welcome to Headquarters, the new Gen-Z led progressive content hub. pic.twitter.com/7EQyz3DFpd
— HQ (@headquarters_67) February 5, 2026

So that's a thing I have now seen, and a memory I will take to my death, which should happen any moment now due to toxic cringe levels.

And here's a very typical reaction, courtesy of Treacher:

pic.twitter.com/dWojw7zNeG
— jimtreacher.substack.com (@jtLOL) February 5, 2026

"Hello, fellow kids!"

Then there's this from one of my favorite parody accounts:

This is all that the kids in our 8-year-old son’s class are talking about today.
— 🫃🏼💉🇺🇦🇸🇴Hollaria Briden, Esq. (@HollyBriden) February 5, 2026

But wait, as the late, great Ron Popeil used to say, there's more!

In the second Headquarters video, we see Kamala's Headquarters login screen, where her handle is filled in, but she can't remember her password. "Dagnabbit with these confounded machines! Was my password 'waytooonline, 'thebabysitterisweird,' or 'project2025wasreal?' I just can't recall!"

Yeah, they're still not letting go of the Project 2025 thing, even a year after Heritage entered what appear to be extended death throes. "Remember that scare tactic that didn't win us any swing voters when it was fresh? Let's lean on it some more now that it isn't" is a bold strategy, Cotton — let's see how it plays out.

Also, desperate retreads seem to be a recurring theme at Harris HQ, don't they?

What you can't actually do, near as I can tell, is actually create an account or log in anywhere.

Because here's my favorite part. Neither of Kamala's X posts includes a link to the revamped site. I had to look it up on the Google like an OG. Even with my mad skillz at surfing the World Wide Web with my AOL "web browser," I couldn't find Harris's new site. Maybe she and her team think they'll amp up the suspense by making people wait?

That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

I'd like to gently ask a question of Harris and her proto-campaign team: HAD YOU NOT ALREADY GIVEN US ENOUGH REMINDERS WHY THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SO THOROUGHLY REJECTED HER LAST TIME AROUND?

Sorry for shouting.

But let me finish this in language Harris might understand, from one classic mean girl to this one.

"Stop trying to make 'fetch' happen."