Oh, SNAP! Germany Has a New Way to Defend Yourself Against Machete-Wielding Migrants

Germany has a little problem with the totally grateful Muslim migrants that Berlin's elites have allowed into the country, where they show their gratitude by stabbing Germans. But don't worry because one German doctor has just the thing to deal with a knife attack, and no, it isn't stitches.

Before we get to that, the most recent case to make the news happened less than two weeks ago, when a Syrian "migrant" wounded 31 people, including two children, in an arson attack. He could also be seen carrying an impressive-looking machete.

Here's a clip in case you missed it the first time around.

🚨🇩🇪Des migrants syriens en tenue de combat ont perpétré plusieurs attaques à #Essen, en Allemagne.

⚡️Ils ont mis le feu à des immeubles d'habitation, mettant en danger des enfants, et ont poursuivi les gens avec des machettes et des couteaux.

📺🚨 Aucun média complice n'en… pic.twitter.com/7oj9OGiuPB
— INVASION FRANCE INFO (@InvasionEuro) September 29, 2024

Call me old-fashioned, but the first thing I think of when confronted by a machete-wielding madman is how glad I am that my wife and I both have our concealed carry permits. Then I picture one or both of us going Full Indiana Jones on the madman.

But this is America, where we don't have a whole lot of extra time to waste trying to talk madmen out of their machetes or scimitars or whatever.

Firearms being largely verboten in Germany, one doctor has come up with a surefire way to defend yourself against bad guys with big knives, but it only works if you're a real hoopy frood who knows where your towel is.

Doctors in Germany are being trained to prevent stabbings from migrants using towel slapping techniques… pic.twitter.com/nm1FMh16T8
— Catch Up (@CatchUpFeed) October 8, 2024

The towel-snapping technique is 100% guaranteed to almost work, provided your attacker is a frightened woman with a fake knife who doesn't really want to cut you. Also, you have to carry a towel with you everywhere.

I'm having an impossible time remembering that these are the same people who once overran France in six weeks and made it all the way to the gates of Moscow before winter stopped them cold.

I was shocked to learn just a week ago that Germany hosts over 900,000 Syrians — or nearly 1-in-20 of Syrian's pre-civil war population.

Slightly more seriously, when I traveled to West Berlin (back when we had two Germanys and two Berlins), my host informed me that the city was home to the largest Turkish-speaking community outside of Turkey. It wasn't just Berlin, either — West Germany was home to almost countless migrant workers.

If you're wondering how many Turks ended up in Germany, it's because of the country's 1950s Wirtschaftswunder (economic miracle) and a shortage of workers caused in no small part to having started another losing World War. Turkey (and other countries) had surplus workers, so Bonn made agreements to allow in Gastarbeiter (guest workers) for a limited period.

Many stayed longer. Today, there are nearly three million people in Germany with a migration background from Turkey (so not just ethnic Turks), including 1.3 million with Turkish citizenship.

So there's nothing new about having lots of Muslim migrants staying in Germany.

But there's a world of difference between inviting Gastarbeiter into your country to find employment and allowing in countless migrants and putting them immediately and permanently on the dole — and turning the other cheek at their criminal activities.

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P.S. I'd be remiss if I didn't include this Monty Python classic clip.