A few years ago, on the way home from a road trip, my wife and I stopped at a Cracker Barrel along the highway. The kids had never been to one, and we wanted to share with them one of our favorite childhood experiences. Needless to say, we were disappointed. It took forever to get our food. And when it finally arrived, the food wasn’t just bad. It was downright awful. The waiter, bless his heart, was a space cadet.
On the way out, our kids asked in genuine befuddlement why we talked the place up so much. We didn’t have an answer other than to say maybe this was just a bad one-off. Happens to any restaurant from time to time.
Cracker Barrel wasn’t making headline news back then, so I was unaware of what was going on behind the scenes. But apparently, Cracker Barrel was working from the same woke playbook as Bud Light, Victoria’s Secret, and Target.
Back in 2023, they caught backlash for displaying rainbow-colored rocking chairs at their restaurants in celebration of Pride Century Month. Because if there’s one thing American consumers have been begging for, it’s for corporations to shove ever bigger mouthfuls of woke politics down our throats from the second we open our eyes in the morning to the second we close them at night.
Just this past month, Cracker Barrel found itself the subject of legal complaint for civil rights abuses stemming from its embrace of DEI practices.
So this new remake – new signage, new floor layout, new menu – is just the overflowing spillage from the rancid cesspool of corporate wokeness in which Cracker Barrel has been festering for years now.
The company is planning to flush $770 million down the drain in this project, which they dubbed “All The More,” which is about as thoughtless and unexciting as you could possibly name a remarketing campaign. The campaign itself is thought to be the brainchild of CEO Julie Felss Masino, whose legacy to date is the loss of $587 million, or 34%, in Cracker Barrel stock since taking the reins.
As expected, their media mouthpieces have been parroting the same bland, lifeless, group-tested responses that AI would reject as too robotic. They want to “freshen up the experience.” They “constantly pulsed various guest segments.” Their “updated visuals will appear across menus and marketing collateral.” They are a “a destination for comfort and community.” They are “reinvigorating the dinner menu.” They’re enthusiastic about the refreshed dining and shopping experience.”
NOBODY!
TALKS!
LIKE!
THAT!
Nobody outside C-suite corporate America, anyway. Did any of your over-degreed vice presidents ever sit in one your own restaurants and listen to the conversations? If you manage to record any of your customers using the phrase “marketing collateral” or “constantly pulsed,” I’ll eat one of your laminated menus live online.
To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with rebranding, and static corporations might need to “shake it up” a bit to stay competitive. But the two key points that are absolutely necessary are "know your customer" and "don’t insult your customer if they don’t like what you’re trying to sell." The top-tier leadership at Cracker Barrel appears to be doing neither.
A Cracker Barrel spokesperson chalked up all the negativity surrounding the rebrand as the result of a “vocal minority.” After this rebranding went public last week, their stock slid 12% further. That’s some “vocal minority.”
The peasants are ungrateful, and the manor lords are none too amused. “We are doing all this for them,” scolded Masino to ABC’s “Good Morning America.”
They have all the business degrees and I have none. And, unless they do a complete 180, and quick, I won’t be stepping foot in a Cracker Barrel ever again. It would seem that a flyover rube like me knows more about what I want than they do.
What’s the biggest indicator that our boycott will be effective? The Left is freaking out about it. MSNBC host Jonathan Capehart slammed us “snowflakes” upset about the rebrand. Capehart wouldn’t be caught dead in a Cracker Barrel, and our boycott will do nothing to harm any of his pet causes. Rather, he’s upset because the last couple years have proven that conservative boycotts (Bud Light) are growing more effective, whereas leftist boycotts (American Eagle) are losing whatever influence they once had. Capehart knows the culture war tide is turning, and he hates us for it.
And the leftist customers that Cracker Barrel is targeting? Unless you start hosting drag shows and selling biscotto, they’re not showing up either. You restaurant is a road trip restaurant. Vacations. Families. Minivans. Responsible people with steady jobs. All your business training didn’t account for that?
Read the room, dude. If you want the purple hair and the nose rings, get into the vape shop and/or dispensary business.
The smart move would be to issue a public apology and do a “Conn sonar, Crazy Ivan” (and if you get that reference without googling it, you’re forever awesome in my book). Apologize to your loyal customer base and kill the rebranding dead in its tracks. Jettison whoever pulled the trigger on this decision. Work on the edibility of your food rather than signage, rainbows, or attracting non-binary furries.
The longer you delay, the more Bud Lighted your brand will become. But I’m not holding my breath. Again, these are smart people, right? We’re the dumb ones. As Masino said, they’re doing all this for us. For our own good. Like so many before them, their pride will be their downfall.
So goodbye, Cracker Barrel. It’s been real. I’ll let out a smirk next time I pass by your rebranded sign adorning an empty restaurant on my way to American Eagle.
Help continue to fight and win the culture wars as we continue to usher in the Golden Era of America. Join VIP and use promo code FIGHT to get 60% off your membership.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member