You'll Love the RNC's Next Big Stupid Way to Lose in 2024

AP Photo/Evan Vucci

Donald Trump is going to be the GOP presidential candidate again in 2024, and I'm fine with that. There were only two other contenders who might have possibly stood a chance against Trump, but neither one panned out.

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But leave it to the RNC to spoil a good thing.

I liked Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis because, after his reelection victory that was so massive it turned Florida from purple to red, he seemed like his real name might be Trump Without All the Baggage. But then DeSantis launched one of the lamest presidential primary campaigns in living memory, somehow making people forget all the good work he's done in Florida. The "electability guy" suddenly wasn't.

And whatever superficial appeal Trump's former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley might once have held went straight out the window — bathwater, baby, and everything — when she revealed her Inner Authoritarian back in November. 

"If Haley hadn't already fallen off my list of candidates I might possibly vote for in Colorado's Republican primary next spring," I wrote at the time, "she removed herself from it with extreme prejudice on Tuesday when she came out against free speech on the internet."

Barring some outrageous black swan event, Haley will come off her delusion bender long enough to drop out, Trump is going to be the nominee, I'm going to vote for him in November, and that's all there is to say about that.

I remind you of these things because of what I must write next.

The Republican National Committee* moved this week to upend the party's own nominating process that would declare Trump "our presumptive nominee," effectively short-circuiting the remaining 40-plus primaries and caucuses still to be held.

"Well, what of it?" you might ask. "Didn't you just finish telling me Trump would be the nominee — something I knew months ago?"

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Yes, but it's important to let these things play out. As a guy who liked DeSantis, it's even easier for me to support Trump because the process played out. DeSantis tried, failed, bowed out, and endorsed the frontrunner. My guy lost, fair and square — I'm ready to help Trump take the fight to Biden.

The RNC claims that we can save all this money by declaring the race over, but that just isn't true. Trump can wait a week or two before Haley finally drops out, and it'll hardly cost a dime. The RNC claims that we just can't take the fight to Biden until Trump is the nominee. But if Haley is so weak — and she is — then why can't Trump start in on Biden now? Just ignore Haley like the aimless gadfly she is.

Primary contests put tremendous strains on this uneasy coalition we call the Republican party. Party insiders want to shut out Haley — effectively silencing her supporters — and then expect them to show up and vote in November.

There are millions of people who, for whatever reason, really want Haley to be the nominee. Maybe they're doubling up their Xanax and downing it with vodka. Honestly, I have no idea. But until Haley does the right thing and drops out, those Haley voters will want to "make their voices heard," as our lefty friends like to say. It makes my teeth itch but they say things like that all the time, anyway.

But you know what? You and I might think "make their voices heard" is cold porridge, but people eat that stuff up like it's prime rib with all the extras. Whatever you think about the Democrats' policies, they know how to win. Election after election, Democrats sell recycled goods that were shoddy when new — and command top dollar for them. We could learn a thing or two from the Democrats, having lost the House, the Senate, and the White House since 2016. Winning the House back in 2022 was a squeaker, I shouldn't have to remind you.

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So while I might not be able to understand how anyone could support Haley, it's bullheaded hubris on the part of the RNC to make stuffy proclamations like this one: "WHEREAS, only a fully united and singularly focused Republican party with all leaders fully onboard for victory can defeat the democrats in the most important election of our lifetimes..."

...and then expect Haley voters, having been told to sit down and shut up, to show up on election day.

Let Trump coast to victory the way he should, not shut down a process that could cost us votes when we need them most.

      Recommended: More Proof That San Francisco Is in the Crapper

*A committee was defined by Robert Heinlein as "a life form with six or more legs and no brain." In the case of the RNC, that's probably an overly generous assessment.

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