Britons Urged to Quit Drinking for a Month

People have been known to do all kinds of crazy things to improve their health — really weird stuff like lift weights, go for long walks, or eat vegetables that aren’t even fried.

But health authorities in Britain are taking things too far:

With the start of a new year, many people make resolutions to get fitter, eat better and drink less. Last year more than two million people in England gave up booze for a whole month thanks to the Dry January campaign.

Dr Shahid Raza, consultant gastroenterologist at the Northern Lincolnshire and Goole NHS Foundation Trust, said: “Why not spare a thought for your liver and pledge to stay off the booze for January.

“You will be surprised by the benefits which include weight loss, better sleep, improved skin and more money in your pocket.

Try telling that to the upstate New York woman who had her DUI charge dropped because her body brews its own alcohol:

Just before Christmas in Hamburg, New York, a judge dismissed the charges after being presented with evidence the woman suffers from “auto-brewery syndrome.”

“I had never heard of auto-brewery syndrome before this case,” attorney Joseph Marusak told CNN on the condition his client’s identity remain anonymous. “But I knew something was amiss when the hospital police took the woman to wanted to release her immediately because she wasn’t exhibiting any symptoms.”

“That prompts me to get on the Internet and see if there is any sort of explanation for a weird reading,” adds Marusak. “Up pops auto-brewery syndrome and away we go.”

“I’m in touch with about 30 people who believe they have this same syndrome, about 10 of them are diagnosed with it,” said Panola College Dean of Nursing Barbara Cordell, who has studied the syndrome for years. “They can function at alcohol levels such as 0.30 and 0.40 when the average person would be comatose or dying. Part of the mystery of this syndrome is how they can have these extremely high levels and still be walking around and talking.”

I’ll take my liquor the old-fashioned way, thank you very much — and during all twelve months of the year.