Let me get this straight.
John Kerry gives Syria a one-week ultimatum to turn over its chemical weapons. Almost immediately, Kerry’s own State Department disavows his statement, calling it “rhetorical.” Which I suppose is OK because Kerry had said that any attack would be “unbelievably small.” (Oh, I believe it.) But then Assad’s Russian benefactor, Vladimir Putin, stepped up to say that he has called on Assad to turn over his chemical weapons, effectively making him more hawkish than Professor Ditherton Wiggleroom himself. And Wiggleroom is scheduled to go on primetime television tomorrow night (oh, I’ll be drunkblogging) in an attempt to drum up public support for…
…for what, exactly?
Will we be going to war to support the first red line, the rescinded red line — or in support of Putin’s position?
I’ve been known to yell at slow drivers that they “couldn’t find the accelerator with both feet.” Professor Wiggleroom couldn’t find his own foreign policy if he sent out Joe Biden, John Kerry, Susan Rice, and Gen. Martin Dempsey over to the NSA armed with reams of Google search algorithms.
It’s like watching somebody fly by the seat of their pants while wearing Prince’s assless chaps. It makes your coffee house improv troupe look like the National Kabuki Theater of Japan (if such a thing exists). This is the Townswomen Guild of Sheffield’s re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor.
Only, you know, slightly less organized.
JFK might have called off the air support at the Bay of Pigs, but at least he changed his mind only the one disastrous time. Wiggleroom here is trying to have his double fudge brownie cake and eat it, too, assuring you the whole time it’s really just a light, healthy snack from the White House vegetable garden.
When he offers you a bite tomorrow evening, politely refuse. It won’t do any good, but at least you’ll feel a little better about yourself.
RELATED: Roger would like to apologize.
ONE MORE THING: Another story came to my attention just as I was finishing this piece, and it may prove vital:
Syrian Foreign Minister Walid Moallem on Monday said his country welcomed a proposal by Moscow to submit Syria’s chemical weapons stockpiles to international control.
The surprise announcement came following a meeting in Moscow between Moallem and Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov, and just hours after US Secretary of State John Kerry said such a move — which Kerry made plain he considered highly improbable — could avert a limited US strike on the country in retaliation for a lethal August 21 chemical weapons attack.
Putin may very well have just pulled Wiggleroom’s chestnuts out of the fire. Putin also may have just put Wiggleroom’s balls in a jar on his desk.