The Oil Conspiracy That Wasn't

Speaking of not making sense — we were, weren’t we? — there’s this story from Fox News about the Administration’s decision to severely restrict oil drilling in Alaska:

The area is called the National Petroleum Reserve because in 1976 Congress designated it as a strategic oil and natural gas stockpile to meet the “energy needs of the nation.” Alaska favors exploration in nearly the entire reserve. The feds had been reviewing four potential development plans, and the state of Alaska had strongly objected to the most restrictive of the four. Sure enough, that was the plan Interior chose.

Interior Secretary Ken Salazar says his plan “will help the industry bring energy safely to market from this remote location, while also protecting wildlife and subsistence rights of Alaska Natives.” He added that the proposal will expand “safe and responsible oil and gas development, and builds on our efforts to help companies develop the infrastructure that’s needed to bring supplies online.”

The problem is almost no one in the energy industry and few in Alaska agree with him.

At first my conspiracy antennae pinged on this one, but then quickly faded because I don’t buy into many (any?) conspiracies. My initial thought was that Obama knows he’s going to lose, and decided to set an EPA trap for incoming President Romney. Bill Clinton did something similar to George W. Bush 12 years ago. As Clinton was on his way out of the White House, he signed new water or air regulations which were absolutely obscene in both their cost and uselessness. So Bush had to de-authorize them right as he entered the White House, allowing Democrats and the Complicit Media (but I repeat myself) on cue to rant and rave about how Bush was destroying the environment.

But laying an egg like that is something lame duck shitheel Democrats do — not something they do three weeks before election day. So if this is a conspiracy, it’s the worst one since my buddy Scott and I decided to sneak into his parents’ pantry late one night to gorge on candy, and stepped on every creaky piece of hardwood along the way.

So, you might still be asking yourself, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Oscar?”

The answer is simple: These guys are True Believers in Deep Green Gaia Worship Earth Mother Useless Stoner Crackpot Bullcrap. And when they see a chance to stick it to Big Oil to save the Goddess, they take it.

End of story.