With Apologies in Advance to Theodoric of York

CNN head honcho announced a few weeks ago that he would be leaving at the end of the year, because the network needed “new thinking.” Well, here’s some of that new thinking in action:

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As during the primaries this year, there will be round tables overseen by Anderson Cooper — perhaps the network’s biggest star — and other anchors, along with a stable of commentators such as the liberal James Carville and his conservative commentator wife, Mary Matalin. Statistics guru John King will work his hands over the “magic wall” of the electoral college once more — in fact, the new studio has two such computerized graphics boards, for even more “Minority Report”-like razzle-dazzle. It will be the first time CNN has managed its convention coverage from Washington.

If watching King massage a magic wall couldn’t stanch the flow of viewers, surely a second magic wall will do the trick. No?

Maybe instead CNN should offer hard news and interesting opinions in compelling ways. They could ditch the glitter of fantastical sets, and spend the money on restaffing their news bureaus around the world. They could stop trying to be MSNBC Lite, and start being CNN again. Why, maybe CNN could even focus on that one thing they used to do better than anyone else in the world ever did, and that’s provide up-to-the-minute, 24-hours-a-day, factually correct information about the news stories people really care about.

Naaaaaaaah.

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