"Hello, Starbucks? Do You Deliver?"

It’s a simple series of steps to perform:

1. Listen for the gurgle of the coffee maker finishing up.

2. Get off of sofa and walk to kitchen.

3. Get clean coffee mug from cabinet, set down on counter next to fridge.

4. Remove half & half from fridge, pour tiny amount in mug, put back in fridge.

5. Bring mug to coffee maker.

6. Remove thermal carafe from coffee maker and twist open the top.

7. Pour… hot water?… into mug. What the hell?

8. Notice coffee grinder is still full of freshly-ground beans.

The problem with making coffee is, you have to do it before you’ve had any coffee.