50 Things al Qaeda Hates about America

Freedom of speech
Unhindered scientific inquiry
Recent advances in airline security
Your lewd women
Illegal detentions of Muslims by John Ashcroft’s Justice Department
Worshipping false idols not punishable by death
Most citizens uninformed about Allah’s mercy and justice
The 82nd Airborne Division
McRibs actually contain small amount of real pork
Cities full of clean-shaven pretty boys
The seduction of youth by Demi Moore
Louis Farrakhan’s geeky little bowties make us look bad
Trampy “Sex in the City” girls won’t stick around for a seventh season
On pilot school admission essay question, spelling counts
Can no one make Al Franken shut up?
Snooty Holiday Inn clerks can always tell when you ordered porn
The Arabic dub of “Jakob the Liar” just didn’t do it justice
No international shipping for “Coed Naked Volleyball” t-shirts
That “camel jockey” thing turns out to be an insult
A lap dance is still 20 bucks, even when the song is short
Unable to find decent falafel anywhere in Oklahoma
“The Matrix Reloaded” just leaves you hanging
Lambskin condoms not actually for lambs
All those Wilfred Brimley ads on Fox News Channel
Infidels who say “irregardless” when it’s just “regardless,” damnit
There will be no forgiveness for the “Bobby dreamed it all” season of Dallas
Reliable and affordable breast reduction surgery
Still can’t get the original Star Wars on DVD
Miami chicks don’t dig unibrows
American convenience stores don’t carry anything for burqa rash
Your Brad Pitt makes us feel all funny inside
You ever seen how many dials and doodads there are in a 737 cockpit?
So-called “Sea Monkeys” really just brine shrimp
Widely-held belief that Siegfried & Roy are gay
Having to constantly explain to people that “Sha Na Na” isn’t an Arab band
Sneers for not always following the U-after-Q rule
Loud rock’n’roll music intrudes on peaceful ululating
Racism towards Arabs becomes obvious when caught giggling at the Holocaust Museum
We thought a “B-52 strike” meant no more awful singing from Fred Schneider
Not one Arab on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”
Suspicious looks when loading a van full of manure and diesel oil
American harlots never buy that “big beard” myth
You people been real touchy the last couple years
Have you seen the price of gas in New York?
Brother Achmed found Florida ballot most confusing
Couldn’t get “The Producers” tickets in time to see Broderick & Lane
That Ten Commandments judge in Alabama is some kind of religious nut
Smartass web pundits with their useless lists
Denise Richards hasn’t returned any of our calls
You bastards fight back