Our very own Hitler, George W. Bush, has just conquered his very first foriegn nation. But Hitler didn’t just occupy countries, he remade them. So let’s look at Poland in 1940 to see what Bush has planned next for Iraq.


First off, we’re going to have to annex all the choice bits. Umm Qasr will come under direct Federal authority, as will all the Iraqi oil fields. Anything else of value, such as factories and munitions plants, will be placed on trains, then on ships, for relocation to American states with lots of electoral votes.

Good farmland — and there’s a lot of it in the Tigris and Euphrates river valleys, will be appropriated from it rightful owners. Unemployed US citizens of good breeding stock will be moved to the Middle East to work the farms. To keep them on the farm, literally, cash bonuses will be paid over and above market rates, along with money and medals for each baby produced.

National treasures are to be seized and granted as booty to the military commanders of Operation Iraqi “Freedom,” along with large, personal fiefdoms. Similar benefits are to be enjoyed by those politically connected to the current Washington regime. Tommy Franks and David Frum are about to become two of the largest landowners in all of Iraq.


Kurds shall be moved out of the mountains and into the cities. Specifically, into walled ghettos. They will be allowed outside the walls only for forced labor, and for eventual train rides to death camps, soon to be established in the more remote provinces.

If anything above subsistence is produced by the remaining Iraqi people, it is to be forcibly taken and placed in American shopping malls. Islam won’t be forbidden, but it will be officially discouraged. Mosques are to be looted, and prayers shall henceforth be addressed to the Leader, George Bush.

These are the things Hitler did to Poland, so we must expect our own Hitler to do exactly the same to Iraq.

And anyone who believes any of this is cordially invited to kiss my ass.


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