Caution: Extreme Vitriolic Satire Ahead
Al Gore has apparently thrown down the gauntlet, tossed his hat into the ring, gotten his beard too near the wood chipper.
In this Reuters (Motto: “One Man’s Wire Service Is Another Man’s Uncontrollable Gastritis”) report, the former Vice President and ongoing Disney Audioanimatronic Project, attacked President Bush on taxes, the enviornment, the War, the merits of Clairol versus Just for Men, and the Middle East.
Speaking at an underground fundraiser for Rep. Richard Neal (Dem., Mass.S.S.R.), Gore said, “The principle of checks and balances … is something every American ought to be thinking about during this campaign season.” His voice rising to be heard above the sounds of heads diving asleep into dinner plates, Gore added, “Perhaps what is needed is a 13-point study by a 15-member commission on the elimination of targeted tax credit pre-payment deferral for those who engage in domestic urban/aerial protest actions, the nature of which some persons have at times defined as terroristic.”
The former Veep was also unhappy with President Bush’s 1.35 trillion dollar tax cut, saying, “It seems unfair to me to remove from the Treasurial lockbox monies deposited there for safekeeping by our Federal custodians, and to return that money in the form of rebate checks and/or future rate reductions (not to exclude also the creation of new tax shelters, or ‘loopholes’) to those taxpayers who paid the vast majority of those taxes in the first place.” When asked how he manages to speak paranthetically, Gore replied, “It takes a lot of pretention, and a corn cob like you wouldn’t believe. Got any lotion?”
Gore’s 2000 running mate, Senator Joe Lieberman, was supposed to have also been in attendence, but backed out at the last minute. Lieberman himself could not be reached for comment, but a spokesman blurted out in uncontrolled fits of teary laughter when asked why his boss ducked out of an appearence with Gore.