Another Satire Alert
In a primary race that campaign experts can only call “over,” Gary Condit has lost his bid to keep his seat to upstart challenger Dennis Cardoza. Asked to explain his lopsided victory over an entrenched encumbant, Cardoza told reporters, “What did you expect? He killed that chick.” Cardoza will face off against Republican sacrificial lamb Dick Montieth, who is not believed to have killed anyone, or even made them disappear. However, that is not thought to improve Montieth’s chances, since in the 18th District, Democrats outnumber Rebublicans by a ratio of approximately everybody.
In the gubernatorial race, Gray Davis (or Davis Gray) handily beat off all challengers, leading to a joke I won’t touch with a ten foot poll. Not this early, anyway. Come November, Davis (or Gray) will be pounding surprise Republican nominee Bill Simon into very little tiny pieces. In a speech at Campaign Victory Headquarters, Simon told his delighted throng of supporter, Dave, that he “can’t wait to get trounced” in the fall election. Gray (or Davis) also gave a victory speech, but, frankly, this reporter fell asleep sometime before the second syllable.