It's almost time for presidential candidates to sprint to the finish line in the 2024 race for the White House. Runners-up will walk away with a t-shirt and a sippy cup. Joe Biden's already wearing the right shoes. He won't be able to sprint in his Naturalizers, but there's one way he could walk away — albeit stiffly — with a remnant of dignity and a great, though apocryphal, story for the family history books.
Now there are many ways that Joe could be tossed from the 2024 race. He could be unceremoniously blown out at his own Antifa convention in Chicago and replaced. His doctors could run out of that go-juice cocktail they fill him with before big events and he could implode more than usual in front of a huge crowd. Or he could leave like a family hero with some semblance of his dignity intact.
Some worry about Joe if he retires from public life. Look, if he gets out of the race he'll be fine. For 50-plus years in politics, Joe would walk away with lovely parting gifts — and I'm not just talking about the ones he and Jill will steal from the White House and store next to the Corvette in the garage. Speaking of which, is he even allowed to drive that beautiful car anymore? Or is it now just Hunter's ashtray?
Anyway, should Joe choose the dignified way out of the race which allows him to pretend he's still a stand-up guy, albeit one who already looks embalmed, he is going to be just fine.
Close up of Joe Biden's padded shoes. pic.twitter.com/PhyYW94fWQ
— Citizen Free Press (@CitizenFreePres) March 19, 2024
Joe has multiple homes, millions in assets, and a brood of family members who, when they're not in rehab, could keep supporting him with that "10% for the big guy" largesse. DOCTOR Jill Biden still teaches freshman English at a local community college, so there's money coming in.
But their assets don't stop there. They have no house payments for their Rehoboth Beach, Del. Both Joe and Jill paid cash with the proceeds from their advances for their wildly successful books! Or did it come from the millions Hunter got from the ChiComs? Romania? Ukraine? Russia? Kazakhstan?
They've got first-class free government health care for life. The Secret Service can give him rides to the soft-serve ice cream shop in perpetuity. If Joe plays his cards right, when Jill is off to work maybe he can con one of the female Secret Service agents on his detail to "guard" him while he skinny dips in the pool.
Indeed, life in retirement for Joe Biden wouldn't be very different from his daily working life where he calls a lid at 10 a.m. or has no official meetings he's willing to report.
Rest easy everyone, Joe Biden said he will not rest until all of the hostages are returned to their families. He is working to work around the clock.
— USANoles939913 (@USANoles939913) April 29, 2024
Biden's schedule for today working relentlessly to bring them home...consisted of his daily briefing at 10:00 EST and nothing… pic.twitter.com/0kSyaiYwGy
At Rehoboth, Joe could have all the secret meetings he wants and still not have to report them to taxpayers.
But let's be honest, this dysfunctional family money tree could stand a change of narrative.
Take a look at the list:
— Nikki 🇺🇸🌸 (@nikki_miumiu) May 10, 2023
- Hunter Biden,
- James Biden,
- Sara Biden, James Biden’s wife
- Hallie Biden, Beau’swidow/lover of Hunter,
- Kathleen Biden, former wife of Hunter,
- Melissa Biden, current wife of Hunter
- 2 Children of Hunter,
- 1 Grandchild of Joe Biden https://t.co/LZuwk51DoM pic.twitter.com/ovjIc9IURK
With Joe's kids, Hunter and Ashley, both battling sex and drug addictions at various times in their adult lives, having taken "inappropriate showers" with Daddy, things are looking a bit bleak in the old family history books. But Joe has a way out to keep a little of his dignity, make himself look like a strong man willing to fall on his sword for his family, and actually help out the fam.
Here's how. Andy McCarthy mentioned this in passing in his recent podcast, but it's just the kind of thing that might appeal to Joe's ego and the political spinmeisters at the DNC.
Hunter Biden's tax evasion trial has been moved to September, but his gun trial is coming up in the next few weeks.
McCarthy said that Hunter's gun case, coming up in June, is a "slam dunk" for which the golden goose has no defense. It's why he was trying to plead guilty to it to get the charges to go away. But now that it's going to trial and if Hunter is found guilty, probably in September, he likely be sentenced to time in federal prison, McCarthy believes.
Would Joe make the family bag man, the son he loves, go to prison?
Here's the answer that would please everyone. Assuming Hunter's cases really go to trial — a big if — Joe would pardon Hunter, who then wouldn't go to prison, and since that pardon would be a presidential abuse of power, Joe would take the political L and resign. It would be a win-win. No one involved in politics would be sorry to see him go.
The media could frame this as a father falling on the sword for his son. What a story for the ages! He could look like a hero instead of an embattled, dementia-afflicted, shuffling old man who can't speak and whom nobody wants at the DNC.
It could happen.
Put down your odds of such a thing happening. I think it's a 50-50 proposition at this point.
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