Breathless for Che Guevara

Just like black, peg-leg jeans on new-age hipsters, Che Guevara never goes out of style for left-wingers.

It’s hard to understand the hero worship of a man who summarily killed thousands of Cubans following the ascension of Fidel Castro to power. Che pushed an agenda for people (especially youth) to put aside individualism and to think and act as a collective mass. Those who refused to conform were placed in concentration camps or killed.


But today, from red tee shirts emblazoned with his image to bearded plush dolls, the Butcher of La Cabana is placed on a pedestal by the left as a symbol for individualism and revolution.

This month lovers of freedom and liberty celebrated the anniversary of Che’s cowardly death in a Bolivian jungle. One would think American media would mark the milestone by chronicling Che’s murderous reign and imploring civilized society from ever letting such pure evil run amok again.

Time magazine did commemorate the day. But not quite how most would expect.

Time published an article titled – wait for it – “How Che Guevara Didn’t Let Asthma Affect His Ambition.”

For a brief moment I thought National Lampoon was back in business with a Time magazine parody.

Remarkably, however, the article wasn’t satire. It chronicles how a young genocidal-maniac-to-be overcame a lifetime of health issues to be remembered in history as one of the great mass murders of our time.

Che Guevara might have considered the United States his worst enemy, but he faced an even greater threat to his revolutionary ambitions: asthma. While it was U.S.-trained Bolivian forces who killed Che on this day, Oct. 9, in 1967, asthma was a constant threat from his earliest youth.


Personally, I think Time Warner can do much better. With their control of so much media, they need to seize the opportunity to share Che’s inspiring story. They have a health division. They should brand an asthma inhaler after him. Call it “CheAir.”

Cue the music as Che Guevara stands on a scenic hillside outside Havana, a smoking gun in one hand and a dead body on the ground.

“Hello, I am Che Guevara. As the most feared man in La Cabana prison, I have a lot of responsibilities. Communist indoctrination, execution of enemies of Fidel and flogging gay men can take my breath away. A busy man like me can’t let a little thing like asthma get in my way.”

Che holds up an inhaler.

“That’s why I use this – CheAir. One huff every four hours and I feel like a new tyrant.”

Voiceover as Che chases men around a prison yard with a bull whip.

“Don’t take CheAir if you are allergic to capitalism or have sudden profits. If you have an allergic reaction to CheAir, call the newly opened embassy in Havana and wait for Cuba’s health system to take care of you. Don’t hold your breath waiting for an apology from the Castro Brothers while using CheAir. Women who wear white should not use CheAir. If you become pregnant using CheAir, expect the father to abandon you (just like the real Che). Don’t use CheAir if you are prone to bruising from a beating by secret police. Totalitarian dictators may become ruthless on CheAir.”


Cut back to Che holding up his inhaler with blood dripping from his hands.

“CheAir. I’m just not the same kind of killer without it.”

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